Midnight Ramble

I go to NEW YORK! I go to WOODSTOCK, NY! I go see Levon Helm and the Holmes Brothers! YAAAAAY! I’m so excited. It’s such an honor to be able to go and see this show! We’re going with Doug, Harlowe and Rose, so it should be entertaining the ENTIRE time.

I’m going to brew my own kombucha from now on. Jeff and I started drinking it every day and it’s amazing. I feel less hungry. I’ve lost some weight randomly, and I don’t particularly need to (although I don’t mind), but it’s just detoxifying to such a degree that I think I’m shedding excess whatever. It’s also delicious and refreshing. Do some research on it if you’re interested. It really is kind of a miracle drink.

I’ve been thinking about how I view myself lately. I think so many people I encounter, including myself, tend to foster negative thoughts. We bring ourselves down, tell ourselves we can’t do something we wish we could. Wish about anything really, which just feeds the belief that we can’t ever have or be what we want. Why can’t we be free of this kind of thought?

My dad told me a story about my little brother the other day… well, this story will tell you about what kind of a guy he is.
One day my dad took Ben to the park. Ben was about 6 or so, probably wearing a ninja turtles t-shirt, and was sporting a “tail” (the little tuft of hair on the back of the neck that serves god-knows-what purpose). He told us that once his tail grew long enough he would swing it over tree branches to use as a way to pulley himself up. Anyway, Dad saw Ben walk up to a group of older boys, talk to them for a minute or two, and then walk away.
“Ben, what did those boys want?”
“Oh, I asked them if they wanted to play.”
“Oh really? And what did they say?”
“They said no.”
“Oh, gee Ben, how do you feel about that?”
“I feel fine.”
“Well… did that hurt your feelings?”
“No. But if they said yes I would’ve had new friends.”

A toast to Ben and his unwavering faithfulness to being exactly who he is. That’s him and Maya, she likes it when you blow on her face… whatever, anyway- I wish I could let go of my own vanity. I can’t imagine being in a situation like that and not feeling embarrassed or hurt. Even when I was 6. I probably would have cried. But my brother has always been very uncomplicated in that way. He’s just okay with himself. I think rather than to envy him, I should soak him up like a sponge. I should watch what he does and learn from him. What better way to spend my time then to learn how to be just myself and happy with that.

I am happy with who I am, but I know that I have more to do. I am aware of ways in which I need to let go of myself. I think what’s so powerful about that story for me is that Ben really knew the truth of that situation. Rather than being threatened, hurt, fearful, rejected- he was merely aware of the potential for new friendships- on top of which, he’s aware of the fact that it’s essentially their loss. It’s so easy for an outsider to see that truth for someone else, but almost impossible for us to see it for ourselves.
Why aren’t we as gentle and kind to ourselves as we are with other people?

Anyway, I’m off to see the wizard. 12 hours of driving here I come!

“Work hard, play mostly.” -Ben Balmer (the bro)


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Comments (5)

  1. unicorntapestry

    I love Ben. I also love you, and if you’re going to be in Woodstock, NY, come and see me! I’m an hour and a half away in NJ.

    1. Gracie (Post author)

      Ooh I hope I can! We’ll see what schedule we’re on! Unfortunately we have 3 other people that have to get back for work and whatnot. Jeff and I took Monday off, so independently we totally could- but I don’t know about thems other folks!
      Either way, I have to come and see you soon. I would really love to. We should make a plan!

  2. Anonymous

    i think kombucha is so nasty but maybe i should give it another chance. my first encounter was in ca where kiki and woody were brewing theirs. you need a dark room and where are you gonna get the mushroom fungus thing? good luck girl you are awesome.

    also i had bad athletes foot so they put their kombucha on my foot to see if it would eat my fungus. i later found out that kombucha is a mushroom not a fungus, right? i finally peed on my foot and the itchy fungus went away!

  3. pearlstreetdiva

    i left a comment about kombucha but i was accidently signed out so it didnt post. shoot.

    basically i will have to try it again cause i have tried and it was disgusting. my friends in CA, kiki and woody, have been brewing it and when i saw them a couple years ago, they suggest i take some of their mushroom and put it on my foot. they said it was a fungus and would eat my althetes foot away but it didnt and i had to pee on it to get rid of it. so it is a mushroom right? no a fungus….anyways it is really wonderful for your body but it tastes like vinegar! yucky

    1. Gracie (Post author)

      It’s not really a mushroom or a fungus- it’s a combo of bacteria and yeast. They just call it a mushroom.
      I’ve never had any that tasted too much like vinegar- maybe try again! Everyone I’ve given it to (even really picky people) have said it’s really refreshing and delicious. My guess is it fermented for too long. But I’m not an expert (yet). You can also make it with ginger and other flavors so that it doesn’t taste like straight kombucha.
      Actually, read that article, it even says something about why it might taste too much like vinegar.
      Did you get the vid?


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