Seeds that grow

My writing didn’t land here yesterday, but rather in the notes app on my phone. Still putting words down every day so far! I can already feel how generative the practice is- writing, for me, really works like a muscle.

I’m conjuring up a new project, one that feels both scary and wonderful. We will see what happens, but I’m inspired by a concept I’ve been meditating on recently, since my dad had his stroke. I have much more to share about this, but the very abbreviated version is: my dad’s imagination is integral to his recovery. One time I was visiting him during an OT session, and the woman helping him was all “What’s the one thing you aren’t allowed to say? Huh? You’re allowed to say that it’s hard, it sucks, you can throw any curse word my way… you can’t shock me! What aren’t you allowed to say, Jim?” The only thing she needed him not to say or even think was “I can’t do it.”

It was pretty profound to me to realize that this is not just a pep talk meant to keep him positive, it’s actually part of the therapy. The belief that he can do it, that it might be possible, the envisioning of his hand moving and working and doing things… that’s a precursor to the act of doing it. I’ve watched it happen, where he actually surprised himself with what he could do because he believed in the mere possibility, and then allowed that spark of a belief to allow him to try.

This has been a powerful example of how healing might work, on the connective neural level. We are magical beings, it’s a wonder that we experience the world and can connect with it how we do. I did a meditation recently that felt like it was laying similar groundwork for me, and I thought I’d share it here.

“I remove and release all blocks and impediments to the powerful expression of my magical self. I accept my desires as seeds that grow.”

We will always be held by the true limitations of the world. We can trust that. But when are we falsely held by our own limiting beliefs, by our attempts to control the outcome, our disappointment, our vulnerabilities? Our creative capacities are part of the great gift of humanity. It’s this bizarre and paradoxical interplay between deep humility and also celebration of our unique gifts. I’m starting to really grok this concept, to see that I’m a creative conduit that just has to start imagining and then offering something up- releasing it into the world, but not making a meal of it for myself. It breathes additional meaning into one of my favorite quotes from Stephen Jenkinson, who said:

“What human wants to have that much consequence in the world?

A little local life… informed by the understanding that the ripples of your days are not for you to decide their meaning. They are for you to labor in the presence of the meaning of other people- the ones who came before you. And understanding all the while that the meaning of your life is in the hands of those to come. That you don’t have an authoritative voice in the meaning of your life. You don’t, and it’s proper that you don’t.

And there’s humility, yes, but there’s no humiliation in that. The humiliation comes in when you try to compensate for feeling impotent by overstating your consequence, overstating how important you are in the scheme of things.

It’s your humanity, baby. It’s not you. It’s your humanity that the world needs. It’s. Not. You.

You’re free to be your small self. Let the world be fed by your humanity. Not a bad deal for all concerned.”


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