Place to be
Posted On March 14, 2011
I have much to do today, but I decided that I wanted to take some time to write and reflect. I feel a heaviness on my heart, with all that’s going on in the world. This is serious stuff. It’s not just what’s going on in Japan with all this nuclear meltdown craziness… it’s this culture of insanity. It’s human rights, it’s toxics everywhere, it’s so much. Today I just feel humbled.
My mom and I had a good conversation the other day about finding humility. You know, that we really aren’t often the vision we have of ourselves. I am much more kind and generous and patient in the character I’ve created of myself. In real life, I’m often disheveled and resentful, and I feel sorry for myself more than I’d like to admit. Self-pity and entitlement is a ravenous beast, you know? My thoughts are often surrounding whether or not I’ve gotten what I want- whether it be time, space, thanks, help, a job done, or anything… This is the truth. This is not to say that I don’t think I’m good, too. It’s just, we do well to not play into the illusion we have of our characters. I am not for feeling guilty, either. I just want to see myself in an honest light. I want to be a better partner and mother and friend and steward of the earth. I want to be the best that I can to those around me. I want to see and listen and DO. Those desires, those are genuine. But we so often are swept up in our thoughts and emotions, and then we tell ourselves untrue things- and before we know it we’re all wrapped up in ourselves in a little fearful bundle. Usually those self-pitying thoughts really originate from basic needs and desires that can be fulfilled. The trick is in recognizing it and simply asking for what we need. And how strange is it when you find that what you really need is to give more and better.
"Work is love made visible. And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy." (Kahlil Gibran)
Me and my girl, just goofing around yesterday at family dinner.
Tuula was so funny. She put this cup in her mouth and said "Look! I’m a maple tree!" I love that these kids will grow up knowing where maple syrup comes from, that they can pretend they are a tree that’s been tapped… I don’t know, I just thought it was awesome.
I’ve been reading more and more disturbing news about what’s going on in Japan, and I looked around this morning and I just see nothing but simple blessings.