On being a mother.
Last night I distinctly remember turning to Jeff and saying "This is the night from hell." Vera just would not stop nursing and fussing and kicking my stomach and legs with those sharp little toes. At one point I just pulled her off and plopped her in the middle of the bed and said "I quit." Teething. I’m drinking really strong coffee this morning.
So, we’ve been up a couple of hours- er, out of bed at least- and she asked to nurse by slamming her head into my chest and crying. Right after she was done she looked up at me, with those glossy just-milked eyes and fat cheeks, obviously satisfied and comfortable, and I just love her. I love her so much that I can hardly stand it. Any pain, any sleepless night, anything. My life is so much better now. In innumerable ways. I mostly feel gratitude that she chose us to be her parents. I feel grateful for every scar left on my belly, for the dark circles under my eyes, for the richness that my life has now. That’s really all I could say about it. I love being a mother, in ways I couldn’t have imagined or anticipated.
Latest posts by Gracie (see all)
- On Art, AI, and Cultural Poverty - January 7, 2023
- Tiny barriers - December 30, 2022
- Wednesday Food Post- On Eating Wild(er) Greens - October 19, 2022
grace still does that now…at 17 months old. although, she also has the nights where she has a meltdown and wont nurse and nothing works…but eventually, sometimes hours later (oh god), she’ll nurse, and be happy and calm. and her little “Nurse?” voice is so sweet and cute. even after all the frustrating times…its so worth it, when their little milk faces look at you and you know that you are the only person who can do that. she said the other night, “my boob, mama.”
vera is so big and cute and i love her squishy cheeks!!
i didnt say much before…but thank you for sharing those emails with your parents about christianity. its something thats been on my mind a lot latey, as someone who used to be an evangelical “Jesus freak” and as someone now who craves something spiritual but cant find it there and i feel those same troubles that you do…granted, not with my parents, but with old friends. so, thank you for sharing those.