On Mondays and Fridays I’ve been watching Tuula for the morning while her papa goes to class. It’s been fine so far- occasionally I’ve got two babies that need something simultaneously, and that can be hard. Otherwise we play, they somehow both get fed- although I usually forget to- and all is well, if not a little messier than when I started. No big deal!

Today Tuula had more needs than I was accustomed to. It was a juggling act at times, but nothing I couldn’t handle. Then, right before her dad comes to get her, Vera started crying from her crib. She does this from time to time while she naps, she just needs the pacifier stuck back in her mouth and all is well. So I left Tuula in the kitchen with the toys and went and stuck it back in Vera’s mouth. When I came out there was water on the floor and toilet paper. WET toilet paper. Tuula had explored the toilet in the mere 20 seconds I was out of the room. This would’ve been gross regardless- but in our house we like to conserve water and so we let it “mellow”. GROSS. So I’m frantically cleaning all this up and taking off Tuula’s shirt when her dad walks in early. I have to sheepishly explain that I was only gone for a second and I’m so so sorry etc. I took off the rest of her clothes, cleaned her up in the sink and gave her back to her father in only a diaper. I COULD DIE. I called Gretchen and explained the situation right away, just so she could hear it from me first. She was great about it, but nothing can make the massive lump in my throat go away right now. I just keep thinking “If only I had shut the bathroom door!” OH SHOOT ME NOW.

I really think that, after I am done being mortified, I will be a better person. If there’s anything in this world meant to be a lesson in humility then this is it. Everything in my being wanted to place blame elsewhere, but it’s absolutely and completely my fault. I will never let her close to the toilet again. EVER. Until she’s actually using it for it’s intended purpose. This has to have happened to other people, right?

I’m just going to crawl into a hole now.


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