I’ve been angry at a person lately, and it’s feeling kind of toxic. I’m usually able to feel a great deal of compassion for people, but lately that’s been hard to do in this situation. Pregnancy seems to put me in a mama-bear-no-nonsense-protect-myself-and-my-loved-ones kind of space, which is great actually, but not really productive in this case. Anyway, I’m realizing that although I shouldn’t be blind to some of the dysfunction that has precipitated this anger, the anger itself is merely a signal for change. I’m feeling like I need to clear some of that anger out of my head, and replace it with some clear intentions and boundaries. I saw this quote and it resonated, so it will be the quote of the day:
"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." – Mother Teresa
I’m going to focus on clearing out those dusty spaces in my heart. I don’t have room for much resentment and anger- I’ve got too much to do. I think part of what draws me towards simplicity in my life is that it leads me to a place of clarity- one where the good that I have to offer is actually realized rather than bogged down by the insecurities and complications that inevitably arise in this life. The last thing I need is more clutter- whether it’s physical, emotional, or spiritual. I still don’t like to read/listen to the news anymore- and that used to be a daily event. So they’re still destroying the planet and coming up with bogus solutions when the real solution is right in front of them. Great. Good to know. I think it’s because it just adds stress to my life, and distracts me from useful action. I hear about the oil spill, and now- rather than look up every possible article on the subject- I’m grieving and focusing on my garden and working to heal this small space that I have an agency over. So it is with relationships, etc. I’m not arguing for ignorance, but just for a discerning eye when it comes to the kind of information/emotion/stuff/etc. that we allow into our lives each day. What good is anger if it cripples us? Anyway. I read this great thing the other day that I wanted to share:
"We are suffering from a great illness, and the way to get better is to serve others. We should all be in service. It makes us well. I serve the birds and trees, the earth, the water. Anybody can do it. They can do it in their way. It’s action time." (Bruce Stewart quoted from Jensen’s A Language Older Than Words)
Such spunk. She’s taken to socks lately, as well as shoes.
One of my pre-baby projects is to get this side entrance all finished and painted up. It’ll look really nice when we’re done with it.
Our fish are doing really well since we got an aquarium. They are bigger, I think! I’m just so happy that I learned about it all and stopped putting them in the death trap (aka fish bowl). I felt so bad losing those fish!
Since we’re getting rid of the TV, I’m excited to start involving Vera in lots of activities with me. I made bread last night (I still wish it was less flat! I think the starter just takes time to develop…). Vera helped and made her own little cinnamon raisin honey loaf. It was very sweet to watch her press raisins into the dough and sprinkle flour on it randomly. She’s been proudly munching it all morning.
Anyway. Today I’m babysitting, picnicking, weeding, cooking, and keeping it as simple as possible.
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Grace, I’m totally with you on having a discerning eye. The overwhelming feelings that can arise from living in this crazy civilization are kept at bay by focusing on my family, my kitchen, the beautiful weather, a rummage sale, our pets…well, pretty much anything in my micro-universe.
On a lighter note, just hang in there with your sourdough. It does get better with time. Another thing to consider is to try it in a loaf pan, rather than as a boule…having something to “climb” might keep it a little taller. I found it works best (with my method, anyway) to make a large batch of dough and put it in a large loaf pan for the second rise.
Vera is a peach!