Today I felt down. My energy was lacking, almost right from the start. I lost my motivation, and a lot of the work I like to do just seemed overwhelming and I could only see it piling up again. Not to mention a needy and teething baby (those last ones before her 2 years are FINALLY breaking through), and this heat. I’m not built for this heat.
You know, I’m generally a very happy and motivated person, but today just left me thinking about how hard it must be for people who suffer from depression. I know myself, and this will pass- likely by tonight, I can already feel the cloud lifting- but some people can’t shake it. I think I need to add that to my gratitude list. I’m a mostly happy person, and that enables me to be many more things.
Jeff says that people are on three different cycles. A physical cycle, a mental cycle, and an emotional cycle. They all go round and round until sometimes they intersect (either on the happy energized side of the spectrum or the sad tired end). That’s what today felt like to me- like I crashed and just couldn’t do anything other than mope. My body, my mind, my spirit… just felt limp. Such a drag. What Jeff says encouraged me though.
I’ve also been spreading myself too thin. Sometimes I really take on so much, and maybe I need to slow down. It’s not like I can’t accomplish all that I want to, but I think I may have to loosen my expectations of myself. Even thinking back on today, I still was able to mostly sort through an incredible mound of paperwork that Jeff and I had been stalling on since January. I also cleaned and cooked. I just have to step back a little, give myself a little air. It also helps to think about labor. Isn’t it funny how often I mention labor here? Anyway, I once heard that when whatever coping technique you were using to deal with the pain stops working, that that tends to be a good thing because it means something has changed and things are progressing. Maybe I can think about my low moments like that. I can be encouraged by the idea that perhaps my life is shifting in a new direction and that my hard work will soon pay off. I just have to shift my own body and mind to help me through it. I dunno.
Anyway, sorry for making a semi-whiny post. Venting is good. I’m gonna shamelessly relax tonight and eat strawberries and milk and ask for lots of kisses from my family. I think that’s the prescription.
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i struggle with depression and anxiety daily and experience the feelings you are having today more often than not. you’re truly blessed to be a happy person!
enjoy your relaxation night. happy or not, it’s necessary to make space for the mind to unwind completely.