Baby post, mostly…
I had another appointment with my midwife and one of her two doulas. It was lovely. I always get a little nervous when we have an appointment, I guess I just am that way, and I care so much about it all. Anyway, it’s great how casual everything is and how relaxed I am by the end of it. I feel very confident that my birth with be safe and will stay at home. Jeff asked her how many births ended up in the hospital and she said that 5 out of the 130 that she’s done have ended up at the hospital. She said that 2 of them were because the mother wanted drugs at the very end, and the others were because they wanted the baby/mom to be looked after for a little while after they had already delivered at home. That means that she’s got about a 98% success rate for safe, happy, at home births. Compare that to the 25% c-section rate in this country, and who knows how many women have unnecessary interventions- I’m confident guessing the majority do unless they are lucky enough to have a very quick labor and delivery. I leave these meetings feeling so reassured that this decision is truly the best one for me. I’m so glad I’ll get to be in my own bed with my baby- the very day that I give birth. I’ll be able to eat a cup of soup from my own kitchen, listen to my own music, hell- check livejournal if I feel like it. Take a shower and know that my partner is holding our child, not a stranger who most likely wants to prick them with needles during their first moments on the planet. I love having power over this. I wonder if that’s what makes me nervous, I’m so used to surrendering this to others, and now I am so responsible for my own (and my child’s) health and well-being. I am really grateful to have it.
On a side note- I was told last night by a friend that she thinks I’m very big for 5.5 months, and that I’m carrying wide… whatever that means. I told myself: “Don’t take it the wrong way, she’s never been pregnant, she means well…” Inevitably when she left I went straight to the mirror, turning and checking myself at every angle and asking Jeff “Am I wide?”
I feel this was unnecessary and could have been avoided. Today Jeff brought it up at the appointment because he hates when I feel insecure about stuff like this. They both rolled their eyes about the comment and said “you look like someone who’s 23 weeks pregnant!” I’ve actually been told up until this point that I’m small, and I don’t feel like I look any different except for my belly, so what’s to be so self-conscious about… right? I guess it’s hard to reassure yourself that you are beautiful and normal when it’s so hard to believe that every other non-pregnant day. And that, topped with the fact that I am actually changing and stretching and bulging at the belly… well I think people should be a bit more sensitive. I am actually perfectly sized for my baby’s growth, and when left to my own interpretation of my appearance, I’d say I’m pretty cute. They told me that people will continue to comment and touch and say things that are just plain inconsiderate. They said not to take it to heart and to move on and focus on what I know is true. Sound advice.
My advice to others? Don’t say “You’re as big as a house!” or “Wow, that baby is taking over!” or any such nonsense. While we may know what you mean, and know that you wish for your comment to be received with humor and delight, most likely the woman has already observed the massive growth in her belly and does not need silly comments about her appearance to boot. Just ask her how she is feeling, say she looks good, be just plain considerate. Think of how you would comment about a non-pregnant person’s appearance and go with that. I’m not saying one should ignore it, but it seems to me that there is a lack of common sense when coming to this issue. For instance, I doubt a woman who is full term really needs to be reminded that she’s waddling to the bathroom. She knows. Help her reach for something instead to show that you notice. And by all means, never ever use the word FAT. I have a friend who consistently uses this word to refer to pregnant bellies, and while I know that she means it in a cute way- it just isn’t. You never know what the word “fat” does in someone’s brain. For most people, it uh, means fat. And they won’t like it, especially when they are gaining weight and changing. So don’t do it. Say “You are so lovely!” instead, and they will know that you have noticed the change and might just feel a boost of confidence.
I made homemade eggplant barbecue pizza last night. It was totally awesome. I think eggplant is my new favorite pizza topping, no joke. I will post the recipe tonight along with a new and extra-wide photo of myself to show my progress.
I should also mention that we are pushing the due date to the 13th of February to give more breathing room. Not that it really matters anyway cuz I’ll be at home, ha! So I’m just calling that my official due date, and if the baby comes early than that’ll be cool.
We’re off to Jeff’s grandma’s birthday party! Woohoo!
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Darling, I’m sure you look gorgeous. But I would love to see a picture of you. 🙂 Nearly all of my friends when they’re pregnant look stunning–I always think–“I want to look like that when I get pregnant.” love