I was so upset before. I don’t really know what it was. It was like I had to figure out how to do this all NOW and since it didn’t make sense now, then it won’t ever and I’m screwed and… that just isn’t helpful thinking. That being said, I am irritated that, were I to work, I would barely take home any pay- certainly not enough to make it worth the time away from Vera. I’m irritated that daycares won’t use anything but disposable diapers. I’m irritated that the daycare at school will only take kids older than 18 months. I mean, my options are limited. And then, Jeff could take a bunch of overtime but then I’d never see him, and I need to see him. I could work nights somewhere… but then same problem. Working this out will have its setbacks. But, Jeff hugged me and told me that we are in this together. We rarely have anything worked out, and yet it always falls into place. Where is my faith now? I guess I’m impatient about school in particular. I was finally having fun and doing really well in school when I got pregnant, so I think I’m just anxious for things to fall back into place. However, I need to allow for some of this to take time. If it takes more time then I will focus on "blooming where I’m planted". This is something I want to meditate on. If there’s anything we need right now it’s focused clear energy and peace.
I suppose it also overwhelms me to think about a winter at home, I got so stir-crazy just in the span of February thru April. I’m going to plan on walking every morning with Vera. We just got this stroller from Jeff’s sister that has a cover that keeps the inside warm. I think that will help me. I just so relied on hours outside this spring and summer, so I will need to find creative ways to keep myself from going too nuts when cold weather hits. I can also go out and visit people. And I love fall. So much.
I wouldn’t trade my life right now for anything. I sometimes struggle with my perception though, and occasionally it hits me all at once in a wave of self-pity and anxiety. I’m glad it’s short lived. I realized towards the end of the day all of the opportunity I have. I have time right now to savor the quiet spaces in my life- that may not be available in the future. I have time to read and do projects. I have time to dance with my baby in the kitchen in our pjs. It’s a good life. Oh, plus yesterday I went to my first banjo lesson! It was great and I feel on my way already. There are so many opportunities for me to learn. I am learning every day.
The plan: Jeff and I brainstormed and I am feeling more hopeful. I’m going to do more research about grants and loans and hopefully I will still be able to go to the massage institute this winter. There’s so much to figure out, but I’m going to try for it. If it doesn’t come through then I’ll just focus my energy elsewhere and I’m sure I’ll blossom. I’m just not going to be unhappy. That’s all there is to it. I will, however, allow for the occasional bout of frustration and anxiety over all-that-we-do-not-know. Just slap me if I start to wallow, mmkay?
In addition to school and that kind of planning, I keep looking everywhere for houses. Ha. Not like we can afford it right now, but we’re keeping our eyes peeled. I think we’ve decided we want to stay where we are. I love downtown Ypsi. I love gardening in a tight space and walking everywhere and being able to take the bus. I love the way we live. So, who knows what’s down the road (maybe someday I’ll live in that old farmhouse…) but for now I think we’re gonna focus on finding something here in a few years. I’m just hoping that we can form the kind of a cluster that my parents did. I want my sister and friends to buy houses nearby so we can take care of each other. I hope I hope.
More changes- I think I’m going to donate my hair. I have plenty, many people don’t have enough… so yeah. It’ll be fun to have a change. Plus it grows like weeds so it’s no big deal if I don’t like it. Also, I think I decided on my next tattoo. I am working on the design, and I’ll need to pinch my pennies, but I want it. 🙂 fun.
May I just say- this is perfect weather. I love the beginning of fall. High 60s, sunny, pretty colors everywhere. I LOVE IT. I will be outside all day if I can muster it. Vera’s going to need some little jackets.
The backyard photo again. This is the time of year where everything starts to look a little messy to me. Time to cut things back and let it all rest.
Dried tomatoes. They are delicious! I think I may give some away packed in oil or something… They aren’t sun dried, but they sure are tasty!
Jeff’s band played a gig that I could actually go to (meaning, not at a bar at midnight…) and Vera and I had a great time. They’ve really improved since I saw them play last. I’m really proud of them, they sound really really good now. I hope they play more parties like this so I can see them more often. He’s on drums in the blue. 🙂
My garden hat.
My dad’s birthday was on the 6th, but we celebrated yesterday. He loves marzipan, so I thought I’d try making some. It was really easy, although the blanching, peeling and grinding the almonds took a little time. I had so much fun thinking of shapes to make for him. 🙂 Plus, the marzipan I made tasted way better to me than the stuff that I’ve tasted in the past. Even my little sister, who doesn’t like marzipan, said it was delish!
I had the cutest picture of Vera sitting up by herself when someone decided to make a grand entrance…
This is the first installment in my "before and after" series. I have various projects around the house that I’m slowly taking care of. I don’t know if it’ll be as much fun for anyone else to see what my pantry looks like, but it makes me feel good, so there ya go. Plus, sometimes I feel like I haven’t been able to accomplish much, but I’m usually wrong. This will just help remind me of that. These were inspired by the sneaky little mouse that has decided to live with us. It was gross, and now it’s all impenetrable. Mwahahahaha!
Before & After #1-
It was a hot mess (can you tell I like Clean House?) and now it’s beautiful. There are labeled bins and everything…
Above the stove:
It might not look that much better to the naked eye, but now the pastas are all together, and the breakfast things (oats, polenta, wheat germ, honey and stuff) are all together, and the recipes are not all over the place on tiny pieces of paper anymore. There are consolidated spices! Can you believe this craziness?! Ah… sweet, sweet order.
I know you all loved that.
Quote of the day:
"One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries." -AA Milne
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Just a passing thought;
Nothing is for sure, but me and my plant manager mentioned to each other the prospect of me switching to work midnights. Since I’m a night owl anyways. And it would be better for the entire plant really, to have me there at night.
So, were this to happen and you need a steady ‘sitter, I might could some days watch Vera. If you trust a baby in my posession.
I probably wouldn’t want to do it every day, but something could be worked out. I wouldn’t want $$’s, of course.
Vera likes Taco Bell, right?