What day is it? Sunday… and it’s August, too!
Posted On August 1, 2010
If there’s anything that you’ll hear me say about the process of natural birth, it’s that it is loaded with glimpses into the nature of life- the intimate and impermeable relationship between so many things, often things that we pretend are very separate from each other. Pain and pleasure, strength and surrender, instinct and intellect, spirit and body, etc. I’m always finding myself in situations where I’m grateful for my experience of giving birth, because it shows me how interconnected these concepts are. I think, were we to live in a more natural world, we’d have so many more experiences that teach us this very lesson. As it is, giving birth has been one of the only truly primal experiences of my life, and so I find myself referencing it often in my attempts at understanding other things.
I was thinking about this because, well, I just gave birth and that’s… profound. But also because I’ve been reading both Ishmael and A Language Older Than Words (I know I’ve been reading that for a while, but it’s a Jensen book and that has to take me a while just to absorb it all), and they are both chock-full of examples of interconnectedness and primal wisdom. I mean, it’s stuff that when you read it is like "DUH!", but we don’t have the experience/environment to be able to come up with these concepts on our own anymore. Such common sense stuff, buried under a sea of concrete and supermarkets… Anyway. Most people I know are pretty attracted in some way to Native American culture/ancient wisdom/etc., and so when I read this quote, it just seemed really important to me for some reason.
"Our goal should not be the emulation of the ancients and their ways, but to experience for ourselves the aspects of human existence out of which arose those ancient forms which when we see them elicit such a feeling of… longing. Otherwise the modern will remain forever superficial while the real will remain ancient, far away, and therefore, outside of ourselves." (Mr. Aoki)
Anyway, my experience of giving birth has opened me in ways that I couldn’t have anticipated, and after reading this quote, I started to imagine the potential I might have for experiencing so much that this life has to offer. I just have to find a way to sift through the toxic sludge… but I’m sure the lessons are everywhere. Authentic, truth-filled lessons of life just there for the taking, for all of us if we look. I think a big part of this journey will be in trusting myself to be able to find them. This destructive culture does nothing if not disempower it’s members. I have so much to learn, and so much to unlearn. I’m really pretty excited. 🙂
Our garden is starting to show signs of disease here and there. The peppers are affected by some kind of a bacteria, and the tomatoes are already showing signs of that stupid blight from last year. We’re harvesting what we can and pulling some plants, but ultimately I’m just kind of biting my nails waiting to see what will happen. I looked up solutions to the problems, and they basically come down to using fungicides, etc., which we just won’t do. So… I’m going to have faith that this will teach us something, and that this is not something to be necessarily "fixed". We are just limited in some ways, here.
I found a great pattern for a new diaper bag that I’m going to make, but I’m not sure which fabrics to use… I’ve been staring at this basket, occasionally pulling out two and then putting them back in. Ugh. It’s hard when you only have a bunch of thrifted pillowcases to work with!
My other projects are now to make Vera her own little ring sling for her big sister doll (who has yet to be named), and also to make a big patchwork beach blanket, for our many upcoming trips to the lake. I’m also making baby a bunch of sweet little summer hats, which will be done shortly.
Speaking of baby, he is doing really well. He looks a little sturdier every day. He nurses, sleeps, and poops like a pro, and he’s soooo soft and sweet. He smiles a lot in his sleep, which just makes me sit and wonder… He’s getting more and more vocal, which is just really cute. We’ve been sleeping pretty well, and I’ve been pretty emotionally stable so far. Today I had a good cry- due to being pretty overstimulated from nursing the two of them constantly… It was good to cry. Then I took a shower and took Vera for a quick trip to the co-op for some raisins and tahini. It was just the ticket. Generally that’s all it takes. Just 20 minutes of movement, a change in scenery, the feeling of hot water on my skin… I’m doing alllllright. Plus I’m learning that things often get better fairly quickly with the addition of some good music. Lately the front runners have been Daisy May Erlewine, Steve Earle, Django Reinhardt, Fleet Foxes, and Hoots & Hellmouth.
Time to go to my folks’ for family dinner. I hope you all are well- I’m doing my best to keep reading, even if my arms are too full to comment. 🙂