Polliwog Farm

This morning

I woke up late. Whatever though, I don’t sleep in very often and I’ve been sick, so I probably needed it. Lately Jeff and I have been bickering over the same stuff. I feel like he’s bossy and condescending, and he feels like it’s all just a “helpful suggestion”. Grrr.
I can’t complain too much though. He has been more willing to communicate lately about it. Before he just got angry and defensive.
Small example:
Jeff: “Honey, shut the fridge.”
Grace: “I’m using it right now, it’s ok.”
Jeff: “But you’ll let all the cold air out, so you should shut it.”
Grace: “I know, but I’m using it, so it shouldn’t be a problem.”
Jeff shuts fridge door.
It’s small stuff. Too small. That’s the issue. I feel like it’s so small that he’s just taking over whatever he can. It happens in the grocery store too.
Grace: “OOOH! Squash is in season! I think I’ll get some!”
Jeff: “Are you really gonna cook that?”
Grace: “Oh yeah. It’s delicious, you’ll love it!”
Jeff: “Maybe you should think a little more about this, are you really going to do something with those?”
Grace: “Huh? Why? Yes, I’ll do something with it!”
Grace: “I think I want to get swiss this time. I want it for sandwiches.”
Jeff: “I don’t know, maybe you shouldn’t.”
Grace: “why? I want it!”
Jeff: “Yeah, but think about whether or not you’ll use it before it gets moldy.”
Grace: “Of course that’s the plan!”
Jeff: “I dunno! Maybe you should think about it more.”
It just wears on me. This happens after he picks out both provolone and cheddar. AARRRGH! It’s not like I’m buying really frivilous things. Just some cheese that I want! It’s driving me nuts. Especially because he doesn’t give up on it. It’s obvious that he has an opinion about it, but he dresses it up so that it’s like he’s just challenging my reasons. And then it gets to the point where I just give up, and then he’ll put whatever it was in the basket. Like it’s a gift.
It feels good to vent about it. I am by no means consumed by this. It’s just an adjustment. He’s also been a good sport about it recently, so I’ll stay patient.
Thanks for putting up with my emotional vomit!


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5 thoughts on “This morning

  1. Maybe you could ask his opinion. What is going on in his mind.
    It could easily be something entirely unrelated, and sounds as such.
    I haven’t seen you and Jeff together enough, and don’t him that well. So I don’t know.
    Good luck to both of you.

    1. You are right on! It is something entirely unrelated. Although that is comforting, it can still be frustrating and embarrassing at times.
      For the most part he is wonderful to me. I am also grateful that these are the kinds of fights that we have. It could be so much worse, so I’m not afraid to deal with quirks/control issues/condescension here and there. And he’ll do the same for me.
      Ah, love! So bittersweet!

  2. Hmm…must be a man thing. I’ve been noticing a lot of those lately. But just for some small comfort, Jeff is not the only one who does stuff like that. In fact, sometimes I do stuff like that.

    Maybe he’s feeling insecure about something and needs some small bits of power where he can get them…maybe he’s just being annoying, etc.

    I’ve been trying, lately, when O does something that annoys me, to step back and think about why he might do those things, or whether or not I’ve done them too. Usually I’ve done them too, and then I generally stop being so annoyed.

    Can’t wait to get back so we can handle these boys together. ha ha.

    1. Ha! yes, we can “handle” them together. I know why he does it. It’s the adult-child-of-an-alcoholic-syndrome aka he’s got some control issues. Whatever. I don’t feel hopeless about it at all. I know that I do that stuff too occasionally, it just manifests in different ways. So yes, it is good to know that he is human, and he’s been much more open-minded about it lately. The only thing that really erks me is when he does it in front of other people, I feel talked down to. But he is aware, and so am I. I just like having an outlet for the leftover stress and irritation.

      I miss you. I love you.

  3. The simplest piece of advice…

    is all I can offer, partly b/c I’m not feeling very introspective today, but also b/c it’s relationship-gold : choose you battles. You already know this principle, and I have found that reminding myself of it with Lexi is very worthwhile. He and I are both very stubborn, deliberate individuals at times…which can make for nasty tiffs. So, when somethings a-brewing, I try to quickly examine it and decide if it’s really worth it.
    Sorry…I got off-track. But you know what I’m saying, yes?
    You’re right…if there has to be arguments in a relatioship, those are good ones!

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