SQUISH!

-On the house search. We really wanted this beautiful house, but due to some strange loan regulations that is not possible. I was disappointed for a minute, but then I really started thinking about how I do trust that we will be where we are supposed to be. I don’t want to live somewhere that isn’t meant to be our home. So, peace about it. It was just a shame because it was so cheap and awesome. Then we found this house that has the land in the city. It’s on half an acre! However, it’s on a busy road and the house is just not what we want, so we just felt like we’d be settling if we went for it.
Then, the other day, we found a beautiful little house in the neighborhood we love. It’s not at all what I would’ve pictured myself wanting. I have always imagined an old creaky house with lots of charm. You know, like maybe late 19th-century, narrow staircases and built-in shelves, laundry chute, an old fireplace, and of course a big front porch. This house, however, looks fairly ordinary. It was built in the 40’s, I think, and is not as big as I would’ve dreamed up. But, after taking some advice to heart, when Jeff and I walked in this sweet little house it made us smile. We walked through and examined things, and both glanced excitedly at one another. We really liked it. It’s got everything we need. Lots of storage, a surprising amount of space, a garage for Jeff’s shop, a great basement, and it includes a BATHTUB*!!! It could really nourish us for a long time. It’s got plenty of charm, is modest and feels really good, and it sort of snuck up on me. It’s got a decent yard- it’s on 1/5th of an acre- which doesn’t seem like a whole heck of a lot for the kind of gardening/chicken/everything I want to do, but I’m inspired. Lately I’ve been reading about the Dervaes family, and if I can be anything like them then I’m doing pretty well. There are also a few hardcore families around the area that are into urban farming, so I think I might just have to put myself out there and ask to pick their brains. It’s so exciting to think about. We are going to look into it, and if it doesn’t work out then at least my eyes have been opened a bit.

*Our house doesn’t have a bathtub, and while I think showering is fabulous for 95% of bathing experiences, it’s that 5% that is sorely lacking in my life. Oh how I dream of nightly baths…

In other news. Alright, alright, so baby news. Vera, with the exit of the teething nightmare that came with her… left lateral incisor, came the entry of a new and interesting phase. The clingy baby phase. I’ve seen this happen with other mommas before. The minute momma leaves, a wail like you wouldn’t believe is issued, resulting in a frustrated (and oftentimes peeing) momma yelling her reassurances from the other room. I have looked on in disbelief, thinking "Baby, relax, your mom is coming right back…"
No, she’s not as bad as all that, but I’ve definitely felt the weight of her momma-preference in my day-to-day. It can be a bit tiring at the end of a long day when I would just like her to go to papa, but she just can’t be at ease without me. However, mostly it just means a messy house and warm snuggles, for me. As I type she’s nestled between my arms, with my leg precariously supporting the back of her head, because she just can’t seem to stay asleep for very long elsewhere. I look down at her calm face and just imagine that she feels safe with me, that my heart radiates my love for her so she can feel it and sleep peacefully knowing it. Sometimes I lean down and smell her sweet milky breath and just shut my eyes. These are the moments that enrich my life. The moments that are sometimes difficult, but altogether make me glad to be alive. I’m so grateful lately.

I haven’t been as good about pictures lately. There’s something about the weather turning that makes me stall a bit in some areas. I feel things picking up though. I’ve decided that I won’t worry if there’s a day missed here and there. I’m taking a relaxed approach. I thought I could do like a "best of" for each week. And so, here are the latest:

Nov. 20th:
I love this picture- it says so much to me even though the picture itself is not great. I love that this is how I see her half the time. Asking to go out or for a treat or just to play. My patient, lovely Maya.

Nov. 21st:
Yes. Just yes.

Jeff and I have been laughing a lot lately. The only example I have of this is from yesterday. I was making the squash soup for Thanksgiving, and he said "The plural of squash is SQUISH!"… and it just tickled me. I continue to giggle when I think about it.

Nov. 22nd:
She likes spinach. So. Spinach, apples, cheerios, and lately banana sometimes.

Nov. 23rd:
My hair. And my dirty mirror. I hate taking pictures of myself, I just get too self-conscious. However, I am the picture taker in the family, and I know that I’ll regret it if I have years of photos of everyone with only a glimpse here and there of me in the background. Hopefully as I get better at photography in general I’ll be able to feel more confident with self-portraits. Until then… my hair is short! 

Nov. 25th:
Yum-tastic tomato/potato/corn soup that I made with a very easy rosemary and tomato focaccia. I’m getting back into experimenting in the kitchen. So much fun. I just have to remember to write stuff down!

Nov. 27th:
Vera and I yesterday at Thanksgiving dinner. She was rubbing her ground up turkey all over my shirt.

My sister and I have been talking about the origins of certain traditions, what we believe and don’t believe, what we want to teach our kids. It’s a complicated issue. For instance, I think it’s terrible that our country became what it is today through violence and theft, and I hate that all our children are taught that we’re just awesome and "free" and stuff, and we all get together to gorge ourselves in the name of peace between the natives and the settlers to show how diverse and loving we are and all that… when it’s just not really true. Blech. However, I love that we all have a day to be grateful and eat and be with family. I don’t think there’s ever a reason not to do that. I feel that way about a lot of our traditions. What it comes down to for me is a desire to be honest and fair, but to also impart my own views and perhaps form some new traditions, and to also not spoil everything for my kids because I thought Columbus was an asshole or that I think it’s not fair that all the pagan holidays were stolen by Christians. I’ll just do my best.

Quote of the day:
"It’s a sign of mediocrity when you demonstrate gratitude with moderation." -Roberto Benigni (his film "Life is Beautiful" is one of my all time top favorite movies.)

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