I seriously can’t understand why we still have the death penalty in this country. At least Michigan doesn’t have it- but I heard that they were recently rethinking their stance. I have never ever understood how that makes any sense as a consequence for murder or anything else. It’s so from the stone-age to me… it makes me think of movies based hundreds of years ago with everyone standing around cheering as a cart full of people get taken to the town square to be hung. And half the time in those movies those people are the good guys. So what have we learned? It’s like we’ve completely lost the desire to rehabilitate and instead would rather be vengeful and authoritarian. I read in the news that an Australian man was just pardoned 86 years after he was executed. I figure, if there are mistakes made like that ever then the death penalty is far too risky. How can you pardon a man you’ve already killed? To make it all look A-OK on paper? A whole man’s life! Either way though, whether he did the crime or not- it’s a whole life! I hate to think that our species thinks so highly of ourselves in terms of our moral sensibilities yet we always find a way to mesh that with hateful angry actions. Example: War for Jesus, bombs for peace, etc.
I can certainly understand the desire for retribution, but that doesn’t mean that it’s right. That’s why I’ve never wanted to be called for jury duty (although I recently was and have yet to hear back about it). I think in some ways it’s very important that we have systems like that in place. It’s a good thing that a group of our peers will judge as opposed to just one (possibly crooked) guy. I will say though, I would never be able to knowingly send a man to his death regardless of what he had done. Are any of you pro-capital punishment? If so, why? I won’t get into a heavy discussion about it, but I really am curious about whether or not I am missing something.

Remember that post I made a little while ago about negativity, the whole bitching about bitching thing? Well, I try to stay away from issues like that on this journal just because it IS public, and really you have to be so vague in order to be “safe” about it that it would be hard to get any constructive feedback anyway. That’s the same reason I never posted about work, or issues I’m having with anyone that have yet to be resolved or that don’t exclusively have to do with my feelings. Occasionally I will post some rhetorical “Oh I can’t understand this…” kind of thing, but that really keeps things very anonymous and most of the time it really is. For some reason though I felt the need to post about that. I was very vague about it, and I feel I ended up sounding self-righteous because while it was about a very isolated situation with ONE of my friends, I think it really came off as a quit-yer-whining-people-cuz-I-have-a-harder-time-than-you, which was not my intention and I feel bad about it. I fully understand the usefulness of “venting” and I know and appreciate that people have different problems and sensitivities than others, and we should be sensitive and non-judgmental. I was frustrated with a friend because she has been unhappy for a long time, and I hear about these same problems every time I see her, for about two years now. This is a person that I feel like I can’t talk to about it- I’m fairly certain it would do no good, and considering her codependency and unwillingness to change- well, I doubt she’d appreciate my tough-love. So really, this just felt like my only place to vent at the time. Unfortunately another friend of mine read that entry and thought it was about her. She confronted me about it and I thought back over what I said and I can completely see why she thought it was specifically about her and a situation she was having. I felt so terrible! She spent a whole day thinking that I had trashed her on the internet- how awful is that!? What’s even funnier is that like the day after I posted that entry the friend I was referring to talked to me about how things had been bad but that she’s feeling much more proactive and positive about things lately and had started to make some changes, etc. It was so bizarre after such a long time to hear that from her. It just goes to show that the 2 years worth of empathy had maybe gone to some use- at the very least she felt like she could share with me, and that is a privilege that I shouldn’t take for granted. I really want to be a reliable and consistent friend, and I would hate for any of mine to feel that I have a holier-than-thou kind of complex just because I have a different life situation. Anyway, I guess I just feel the need to say sorry to anyone who may have felt that I was being overly judgmental, I can see why it would’ve come across that way. It just confirms my belief that I really should examine my motives when I’m tempted to write things like that- it’s almost never going to be helpful anyway.

This entry has taken me 2 days to churn out. This has been happening more and more frequently. Thank god for the autosave feature.

Lately I’m really learning a lot about myself.

In happy news I’m really having a blast lately. The garden is great, my baby is hilarious, my Jeff is sweetness. I am a happy lady. The date was so much fun- totally traditional dinner and a movie, and exactly what I needed. We always find ways to save money here and there- at the theater they have 27 cent refills for popcorn. So we just save our bag and smuggle it in and then go out during the previews to get it “refilled.” Is this wrong? Are we stealing? I mean, technically it is still a refill. I’m afraid that even if it is stealing I just will continue to do it anyway. 5 dollars for popcorn in addition to the craziness that we pay just for the movie is just plain pure profit for them. Even with the 27 cents it’s probably pure profit. They make too much off of people for me to care. Anyway, so we got that and smothered it with a little baggie filled with nutritional yeast and pepper. I thought about how funny it was cuz it really looked like a bag of drugs. Nutritional yeast is kind of a drug to me though. It’s at least enough to motivate me to prepare a bag of it for the theater. I may have a problem.

May 26th:
Yay poppies.

May 27th:
My sweet Maya pup. I hate to admit it but I felt a bit of a divide between she and I when the baby was born. I just didn’t see her in the same light, and while I think that was healthy and natural (a mother’s instincts I suppose), I really missed her. I didn’t really realize it had happened until recently, when I started to feel much more affection for her. I then remembered that it’s how I used to feel for her all the time. I love my pup. I wonder if that’s sort of what happens when a second baby is born. Obviously a dog is different, but ya know, it’s similar I’m sure in some ways too. Anyway, things have become much more solid- maybe Maya’s feeling better about it all too.

May 28th:

May 29th:
I love watching her sleep.

Bonus pictures:

Just a few minutes ago I thought it was too quiet in the house so I went to see where everyone went, and this is what I found:
My life is nothing like I thought it would be, and yet it’s better than anything I could’ve thought up.

Quote of the day- courtesy of CWA Card o’ the month (my dad’s postcard making hobby):

“Some people are like slinkies, not good for much, but they put a smile on your face when you push them down the stairs.”


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