Sleep has been an issue for Jeff and I for the past week and a half. I’m really hoping things normalize soon. It hasn’t just been with a teething baby, either, although that’s certainly been a part of it. For some reason there’s always something keeping us up, or keeping Vera up and disturbing her. I’m looking forward to a few days where we don’t have to wake her up by pulling her out of the carseat into the cold, where she can go to bed in her own warm space and stay there. It all has to do with the holidays and stuff, or Jeff having gigs or our power being out, just things out of our control. Of course, last night, I’m excited about a nice night’s sleep but then I get the message that baby John is coming at 5:30 the next morning. So here I am, messing around on the computer in a dark house with a playing (and walking!) little boy on the floor next to me. I love early mornings like this. I love seeing the sun come up.
I never mind getting up anymore, something that being a momma gave me. A gift, I think, considering the years that an alarm had to squeal in my ears at full blast only to get my poor mother or siblings up to tell me to turn it off. Then I’d just snooze it and never remember what happened until I was running out the door after my bus. It was like that for years… I hated that panicked feeling I’d get from being just out of bed and already running out into the cold. Now, I may be sleep deprived, but something in my body has changed and I wake without much effort. I feel a sense of peace knowing that I can wake up if I need to.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my past lately. I think about it often enough, just in terms of memories of fun and learning and whatever. Recently I’ve been reminded of things that I’m not that proud of, though- things that are the closest I’ll get to in terms of regret. I don’t have any regret because I believe everything has its purpose, but these things don’t give me an obvious reason or lesson- aside from maybe a lesson in humility now. I’m staying open to its meaning, although it feels a little uncomfortable to be thinking about some of these things, so far from my life now. Maybe these are just growing pains. Maybe I’m just able to see some things now in a more honest light, maybe I’m just able to take more responsibility. Anyway. It kind of feels like I’m mentally taking an inventory in preparation for something. Like, I need to be in a really honest place with myself. I bet this has to do with what I was thinking about earlier in terms of honesty and negativity and all that. Or maybe this goes hand in hand with needing a nap- all the time. I guess I prefer to think about it romantically.
Side note- I’m really going to be catching up on my friend’s page. Everything has been so hectic, I’m sorry if I’ve missed things or haven’t commented- I’m a busy little lady lately. With moving and inspections and everything, I’m thinking things will be a little up in the air for the next month or so. But oh, this house has got me excited. I’m pretty confident, although even though we’re in a sales agreement they are still showing the house. I guess that’s just the way it goes with a bank as the seller. They really don’t care who they sell to as long as they get the most for it. We just want to close the deal asap so we can rest easy. We have through February to move, and even though we lost the tenent we thought we had for sure, our landlord is being really awesome about everything and letting us out of the lease.
From the first few hours without power- before it got too cold for us to stay.
John, slobbering all over Vera’s nook. He often does this and I let him, thinking I’ll just intercept it before it makes its way back to Vera… no such luck usually. I’ll turn around and she’ll be happily sucking away and he’ll have ribbons of drool hanging from his chin. I’ve just accepted the transfer of goo between the two of them. It’ll be good for their immune systems, right? Watching him has really become pretty normal now. I have challenging moments, but I have those even when I’ve only got one, so I think I’m doin alright.
I got a new camera from Jeff, and I’m still working out the quirks. It’s a lot like my old one but it’s got better resolution and an image stabilizer. Should be great, once I figure out how to make it do what I want. Anyway, someday I’ll get a nice semi-professional camera and take a class, but until then I’m excited to fool around with this new gadget.
Quote of the day:
"People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one." -Leo J. Burke