Yesterday was such a good day. I think I had finally caught some restful sleep for the first time all week, and the world seemed to open up to me again. I feel like I keep getting waves of sadness and anger and wonder, but yesterday I also felt some acceptance and purpose. I went to work while Jeff stayed back with the kiddos. We still are working out all the childcare stuff we need to now, so I'm popping in to work whenever I can. Huge blessing, to have work that doesn't hold hours but simply has a job that needs doing. Anyway, I ended up seeing lovely people all day long, some of whom I haven't seen in a long time. The whole day was just full of energy and laughter and a homey feeling that I feared I wouldn't feel again for a while. Silly me, though, I should have known that all I need are good people and a warm bowl of soup to feel that again. I shouldn't discount myself, either. I'm surely a big part of what makes this family feel "home".
At one point yesterday I arrived home with the kids just in time to receive a beautiful vase of flowers with a card from a friend of ours. It's been so awesome to have this community embrace all of us. The table and chairs were also a gift, and we were gifted a rocking chair to fill another gap. I told a friend of mine that this experience has really opened my eyes up again to the community we've got. She said something along the lines of "Well, I sure hope you didn't forget about us!" It's interesting, though. Living communally did limit my social energy in some ways. I knew that it did, and so the plans for the new house included much larger personal spaces for our individual families. I was just kind of waiting this part out. But I've had a couple of friends mention already that they'd be more inclined to stop by and visit now that the house isn't bursting full of people. I don't think they felt our home was a bad place to come, more like it was always so eventful. I get that, and I felt it daily.
I'm allowing myself to grieve this, but I'm also allowing myself to see the big open lively opportunity that is my life. I see how the two things surely go together in the end. Earlier this week my dad hugged me and told me that we are made from resilient stock. I love that, and I know it's true.