There are few things that bring me as much joy as ripe tomatoes. It’s fun to see how easily pleased I am when it comes down to it. Strip away the distractions, the stress, the tired mama, the list of things that never seems to get smaller… and all that’s left is a girl who loves her family, friends, herself, good music, warm sun and a cool breeze, and the smell of tomato plants on her skin. I need to remember that in the days to come. Things are good, but I’m tired a lot. When I’m tired, specifically tired and touched-out, it’s hard for me to keep perspective. I’ve found there have been several times in the past week where I’ve felt unreasonable or weepy or whatever, and I knew it was just because I needed a little space or rest but couldn’t get it. Lots of surrendering and meditating on allowing this stuff to help me grow and stretch as a person (of course lots of meditating on labor and how similar it is to this kind of growth…). It helps to remember that the first few weeks with a new baby are hard sometimes- not bad, but just take some energy and flexibility and endurance. Sometimes I just turn to Jeff and say "This feels hard." and he nods. It’s good just to acknowledge it sometimes. I don’t want to change it, it’s life. And then I’m hormonal, so there’s that. But it’s so sweet right now. Amidst my unreasonable moments, I’m more often than not basking in the beauty and impermanence of this wonderful time in my life. This is surely living.
One of the things I’m focusing on a little more lately is working to simplify and purge a little more around here. I went on that crazy purging spree back when I was nesting, but now I see even more that can go. We just don’t need as much as we think we do, and I’ve found that in those moments that need my focus, if there’s extra everywhere it keeps me from feeling like I can dedicate my full attention to it. By "extra", I guess I mean any combination of stuff, stress, to-dos, information, whatever… I’m convinced that there’s serious truth in the whole movement to simplify. I’m sure it looks different for different folks, but it is good for everyone. For me, I’m thinking it means to get rid of more actual junk- but also to reduce the clutter in my head and to get more exercise. It’s so easy, when I’m stuck on the couch nursing, to look around my house and think about everything I want to get done but just can’t. The other day, though, I set this little white timer for 7 minutes (I just like the number 7), and worked on each messy room for that long. I called it "7-minute rooms", and oh my- sweet liberation! The house was definitely improved, and it completely kept me from that horrible overwhelmed feeling. I got the idea from some home organizing website a while back, but it’s a principle that I think I can apply to so many areas of my life. Just finding a way to free yourself from the relentless voice that tells you that you have to do it all, and then promptly immobilizes you… I can do some, and really I don’t want to do it all. I just want to feel peace, when it comes down to it.
There’s a blog I’ve been following recently, and one of her latest posts talks about giving up the TV. She really wraps up the sentiment surrounding why I wanted to give up ours, and writing this just made me think of it. We did give up the TV, but we still watch on our computer pretty regularly. I’m not stressing about it, I’m not really willing to give up my nightly routine of rocking with baby and vegging out a little right now, but I do think she makes a good point about simplifying your brain space.
Anyway, I hope you all are finding peace in your own respective spaces. If it seems hard to find, maybe try simplifying a little.