I’m having a garage sale on Saturday, and it’s shaping up to be a busier endeavor than I had anticipated. I don’t really know how to advertise this stuff- perhaps on craigs list. Yes that’s what I’ll do- with pictures. People like pictures. Honestly I don’t care about the money at all, I just want the stuff to be taken away!
Something that has been happening to me a little more frequently, that I’m sure has contributed to the “invisible” feeling, is that I’ve been interrupted. Pretty basic stuff, I’ll just be talking, and mid sentence someone just starts talking over me. I would like to be a total grown-up about it and say that I can just brush it off, but in those few moments following the actual event… I feel crushed. I feel ignored and overlooked. I have noticed a couple of things about this situation – #1: I am usually with a couple of people who have “louder” personalities. #2: It tends to happen with friends (opposed to family), probably because I feel the need to be polite and shrug it off, whereas with family I would most likely push through and/or say “Hey, you interrupted me!” #3: I feel more hurt by it with these friends because almost always in the individual relationships that I have with each person present I am certain that my voice is valued in a private context. I guess mainly it just wouldn’t happen otherwise. #4: I don’t understand why after the interruption that someone doesn’t come back to me. In situations where I accidentally interrupt someone (we all do it!) I do my best to say something like “Oh, I’m sorry, you were saying something?”
In case you haven’t noticed- lately I’ve been feeling a little like a wounded puppy. I need to make a gratitude list.
My job is not really helping either. They have been sort of tossing me around. I have been a temp for 4.5 years, and only lately have I felt treated like one. There are people here that have been talking to me about “temp’s roles” and “how temp time is best used” etc. Then they tell me that I’ll be working in another department for two days a week, and I welcome the experience, but after four years of a primarily self-governed job… it feels strange. It’s irritating, especially when I’ve been here for twice as long as some of them. I’m trying to stay positive about this stuff, but the more it happens, the more anxious I am to move on. I just wish it wasn’t such a sweet job.
I feel a restlessness within myself. Something is stirring inside me, vying for my attention. I think this entry may sound whiney, and I suppose it is a little, but really things are good. I feel good. I feel change. I feel a little uncomfortable emotionally, but I know that just comes with the territory.
Does anyone have any experience with this kind of feeling? I feel like I need to build my self-esteem some so that when things like this happen I don’t carry them with me afterwards. I want to be peaceful about it the moment it happens. I want to feel peaceful enough with myself that I am not bothered by this stuff! I want to know how to separate myself from other people’s problems. I want to regain balance. I want to not feel so juggled.