It’s sometimes hard to find the time…

I hope you all don’t mind my once every few days entries that bombard you with pictures- lately it seems like it’s all I can manage. I think about all the things I’d like to talk about, and maybe I can remember a couple of things by the time I get here with a few minutes to myself. Anyway, the pictures help me remember.

June 13th:
Cool mushroom in my yard.

June 14th:
On this day a couple of my friends were having their wedding reception. They got married really quickly in January, without inviting anyone but their parents… not even siblings. So this really felt, to her, like their wedding celebration. It was nice, and I felt very valued as a friend, because she asked me to help her with all of it. I arranged for the music- which you should all check out here, they are awesome. Jeff and I were there the day before helping to decorate with her family and making sure everything was all set up. I loved helping her with this. She was so excited, and I was so happy for them to be honored. Anyway, the dope that I am forgot my camera that day. If I hadn’t it would most definitely be a shot of them. I’m making a stencil art piece (kind of like you saw before with my xmas gifts) out of one of their wedding photos (taken by my talented brother in law Obeth) with Kahlil Gibran’s words about marriage on the back. I love that piece from The Prophet. It’s all about being together, but also being decidedly separate… “Love one another, but make not a bond of love. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.” … “Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of life can obtain your hearts.” I just love it. It’s all about being yourself, on your own path, but being totally together at the same time. Jeff and I strive for this. I think it will keep us thinking, keep us happy, and keep us growing together.

Anyway, I think I might be taking some West African dance classes sometime soon…

June 15th:
LITTLE BABY IN A BIG OL’  BED!!! Hooray! Jeff’s first Father’s Day. I made him a luscious breakfast, we went to visit his Grandma, and we went out to dinner with my family. Nice. I’m so grateful that he is the father of my kiddo. I couldn’t choose a better one.

June 16th:
Little baby in a basket!!!

June 17th:
I’d been asking Jeff to make me a stool for the longest time, so I went out for about 2 hours this morning and came back to this. It even folds up! I love my Jeff.

You know that whole cloth wipes bit? Well, we’re just about ready to start doing it. We’ve been using them for Vera for a little while, but I just found a deal on one of those sprayer things used, and now we just have to hook it up. I also found a big thermos type thing that is waterproof/air proof that has a twist top and is just small enough to fit right next to the toilet (for the used ones). A similarly crunchy friend was asking me a bunch of questions about it all over the phone yesterday. She was surprisingly hesitant about the idea. I assured her that most people felt that way and that we’ll have TP here for other people and that it’ll hardly be noticeable. I told her why we were doing it, I explained in detail how I was going to deal with it all, etc. and she wouldn’t drop it. It got to the point where I was really wondering what was going on, and why she couldn’t just have her opinion that it’s unsanitary and go on with life, and then she said “Well, I just don’t think that’s something a little girl should be around.”

Yeah. I don’t really know what the correct way to deal with this kind of thing. Basically, I told her she was out of line and to mind her own business. She got worried and said “Oh, I’m just saying that if I were a parent then I wouldn’t do that.” It just got worse as she scrambled. Anyway, I didn’t say anything mean or that I regret, but I certainly said some things to let her know where I stand. I’m all for growing as a parent. I absolutely desire the best for my child. But, I’m making a conscious decision to do something, I’ve thought this out and done my research. I’ve found a way to keep it discreet and child-proof, and frankly, I don’t give a shit if people think it’s gross. Well, that’s not entirely true. I don’t like being looked at that way, but it’s not going to change my decision. So to hear this from a friend (albeit an interesting friend with a very low self-monitor) just stung. It’s as if she was assuming that I didn’t have my child’s well-being in mind, and she should know better.

Last night I was FUMING. I haven’t felt my heart pound in that way in a while. I was so offended. Now I’m not so upset about it because I know I’m doing the right thing, and that this friend is very opinionated and pushy and tends to be inflexible. Still, this is an area that I won’t budge on. Had she said “Have you thought about how to keep it all clean for when Vera is crawling around?” I would’ve said “Oh, yeah. Here’s what we’re gonna do…” But it’s as if she decided I was a fool. What should my reaction be? I mean, I guess the way I feel about it now is that she needs to acknowledge the fact that she should stay away from imposing her views when it comes to my parenting. This doesn’t mean she needs to agree with me, or approve. She just needs to find different ways to attempt to show me how she feels. And if I’ve made an educated decision for my family, then drop it. It’s not up to her. Anyway, I’m afraid that she will give me grief about this. She’s the “Well, this is just who I am” type, and that can be difficult to deal with. Then what? I don’t have the energy to field this kind of bullshit. I don’t think I should have to. I want my friends to support me and lift me up. If they don’t, then what?

So this morning I was driving around and singing along with Martin Sexton- the man who lifts my spirits when I’m down- and it was the song “What’s Goin On” by Marvin Gaye. For some reason it really struck a chord in me.

Mother, mother
There’s too many of you crying
Brother, brother, brother
There’s far too many of you dying
You know we’ve got to find a way
To bring some lovin’ here today – Ya

Father, father
We don’t need to escalate
You see, war is not the answer
For only love can conquer hate
You know we’ve got to find a way
To bring some lovin’ here today

Picket lines and picket signs
Don’t punish me with brutality
Talk to me, so you can see
Oh, what’s going on
What’s going on
Ya, what’s going on
Ah, what’s going on

In the mean time
Right on, baby
Right on
Right on

Father, father, everybody thinks we’re wrong
Oh, but who are they to judge us
Simply because our hair is long
Oh, you know we’ve got to find a way
To bring some understanding here today
Oh

Picket lines and picket signs
Don’t punish me with brutality
Talk to me
So you can see
What’s going on
Ya, what’s going on
Tell me what’s going on
I’ll tell you what’s going on – Uh
Right on baby
Right on baby

Oh, in happy news, my brother is doing well. He’s making progress out in the wild west. He was just recently featured in an online article out there- I’m proud of him.
Here’s where you can hear:
Myspace
The first song is his friend Brett, who I think has an incredible voice. The second is by Ben. The third is a cover and Ben sings the higher harmonies and plays the harmonica. I’m almost positive he plays the slide in that one, but I’m not totally sure. Enjoy! I’m such a proud sister.

Gracie
Gracie

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Comments (16)

  1. Anonymous

    First of all, LOVE LOVE LOVE the pic of “baby in a basket”.

    2nd – I dont see how different adult wipes are from cloth diapers. I mean you’re going to have bidet of sorts so its not like the cloths are going to be that bad. Really you could use your sprayer then spray the cloth you use and semi rinse it in the toilet before you even put it in a “containment vessel”. I dont see why you just couldnt use a wet bag like for diapers. I mean its not like your asking HER to use the cloths. Oh and I love the fact that she says “if I were a parent”, acknowledging the fact that she’s not a parent and therefore her opinion can be taken with a grain of salt anyway. I’m not going to be switching to cloth wipes, but I think it’s great that you are!

    Go Grace, Be as Green as you can! Teach Vera by your example that she can live a sustainable lifestyle. 🙂

    Reply
    1. Gracie (Post author)

      Oh yeah me too!!! It’s my desktop background now. It was impossible to know this kind of love before it smacked me in the face with a little baby.

      Yeah, I mentioned that and she said that adult poop is different than baby poop. I agreed with her, but it’s not any different than toddler poop. She’s all about cloth diapers… It was as if she had made her mind up to be contrary and call me on the baby thing. Not cool! Besides, what about the cat lover that she is? Is keeping a litter box with a baby irresponsible? It’s not like I’m keeping the wipe thermos in her crib.

      I really appreciate your blessing. That’s the kind of thing I need from friends.

      Reply
  2. pithy_epigrams

    I think you handled yourself incredibly well considering the situation. (I would have gotten angry. ) My mother always told me, “Be good, be kind, be true to yourself, stand up for yourself, and stand up for what you believe in.” I got that every morning. I think it’s quite fitting. I fully support your ideas about how to live your life, and I admire you. I’m glad you stood up for yourself, you’re awesome.

    Reply
    1. Gracie (Post author)

      Oh, I got angry. I’m sure she could tell by my tone. I do think I only said things that I meant fully, and so I’m not too bothered by my anger. There’s only so much you can control in a given situation. Sometimes I think people need to see what their words do. My anger I think was necessary. But you are right- had my anger become something other than tone of voice then I wouldn’t have much to stand on.
      I love that thing your mom said to you. I hope I can be a rockin mom like yours. You are a good friend.

      Reply
      1. pithy_epigrams

        You’re a good friend too. 🙂

        Reply
  3. stupidfool

    i really like that quote! too many people (me included, no doubt) think that love is about becoming the same person… i need something like that to remind me that’s not the right approach.

    your baby is getting so big! i know she’s still small, but it’s amazing what can happen in what, 4 months??

    i think i’m the exact same way as your friend… i would never tell somebody, ‘don’t do this because i would never do it,’ but if somebody says something that blows my mind, i really want to understand it. i feel like i need to know every detail, until i’ve reached the point where even if i wouldn’t do or think it myself, i can put myself in their shoes and imagine them doing it or thinking it. i know it’s not my business, but i just want to be able to wrap my mind around everything, and if i can’t see it, i just ask more and more questions until people get frustrated or defensive. i also tend to be blatantly honest and not think too much about wording things politely, and then once it’s too late and i’ve insulted somebody, i backtrack and try to explain and put the spin on it that i should have put on it in the first place.
    so now that you know where i’m coming from, i would try to take what she said with a grain of salt. if she knows you at all, i think she’d know how much you love your daughter, and she’d know that you’d never do anything that you thought could be damaging to her. she was probably just thinking out loud, and would re-word it sort of like your polite version, if she had it to do all over again.

    (and not that you asked for my opinion on the matter, but i absolutely understand where you’re coming from, i’m really proud of you for thinking it through, and i give you mad props for being able to do something i could never force myself to do. and there’s no doubt in my mind that vera will be fine! i can’t see it affecting her much at all.)

    Reply
    1. Gracie (Post author)

      I really appreciate your perspective. I think that’s how I approach her in general- she says offensive things all the time, and is rude and just kind of a blurter. I can appreciate that about her. I just think in terms of her motives and heart and let most of it go- because it legitimately is not meant in that way. She’s just unique. However, I feel much different when it comes to her imposing on my choices when it comes to my family. I know that it’s not just her gathering information, too. I’ve heard her talk about other parents in the same way. She’s actually arranged an intervention of sorts because she doesn’t approve of her brother in law taking her nephew (his son) hunting (she’s anti-gun). She told me about it and said “He won’t do that with MY NEPHEW!” All I could say was that she now knows that she won’t be letting him do that with her future kids, but that unfortunately it’s his territory. She refused to see it that way, and was just taking charge. So I’m fairly sure she’s thought this out and is not interested in actually learning from me. The frustrating thing for me is that I had actually covered the child safety issue in our conversation by mentioning how happy I was that I found this sealed twist top thermos thing for that reason. So, I guess I feel like she needs to learn how to keep it to herself in this kind of situation.

      Thank you, I really value the support!

      Reply
  4. csgraham

    She definitely could have gone about discussing the issue in a more sensitive way. Just bringing up concerns shouldn’t involve hurtful insults (unless it’s me). But sometime’s people just screw up what they’re trying to say and it comes out all wrong. Sometimes it’s easier to just let it go afterwards, and remember that every rose has it’s thorn.

    BTW, I can’t believe you would put your baby in a basket. Worst. Mother. Ever.

    Reply
    1. Gracie (Post author)

      I would take that approach normally, but with this I feel like she just can’t interfere with my choices. I feel like it has more to do with the fact that I need total consistency, for Vera’s sake. If it were just me, I could just deal with it and move on. What happens when she pulls my kid aside and says “By the way, the way your parents discipline you is wrong…” I wouldn’t put it past her. So I feel like I need to firmly draw this line now. I’m fine with her not agreeing with me, she just needs to control how she behaves and what she says, especially around my kid.

      Hahaha.

      Reply
  5. brigittefires

    My absolute biggest pet peeve is the excuse of “this is just who I am/it’s my nature.” We make choices. Every day, every word we say, we make choices. Trying to blame your foibles or bad manners on genetics is totally and completely wrong, because you CAN choose to make an effort not to have those bad habits. We are not victims, here.

    But I really don’t have a problem with someone saying “This is who I choose to be.” If they really don’t think their rudeness is a flaw, then they’re simply not someone who I will CHOOSE to have in my life, because we have clearly different values. I’ve made such an effort to learn, and grow, and be an adult rather than be stuck as the same person I was 6 or 8 or 10 years ago. And even if I was an “adult” 6 years ago, that doesn’t mean I have to have the same values and beliefs now as I did then. We learn from our experiences, and if we don’t, then we’re willfully choosing not to ask ourselves “what can I learn from this?”

    I have this issue with a friend of mine, someone I used to date. He always wants things “back the way they were.” I understand reminiscing about the good old days…. but he doesn’t understand that “the good old days” means he wasn’t a dad, means he never moved out of his mother’s house, means he never got to experience some of the things that he’s reminiscing about!! He is so devoted to his kids and even though I think he’s a terrible father, he just doesn’t “get it,” he IS devoted. He does what he thinks is best. But he just doesn’t understand the concept of acknowledging one’s own flaws and working to overcome them. And that REALLY drives me up a wall lol.

    But at least he’s not pushing is opinions on other people. Seriously. This girl needs someone to teach her about boundaries.

    Reply
    1. Gracie (Post author)

      You know, I’d have to say that is one of my biggest pet peeves too- I was raised believing that even though my motives are good, if my behavior needs to change then it needs to change. That even though I meant well, maybe what I did hurt someone else, or whatever. I am forever grateful for that lesson. I’m finding more and more that people I know are like that little kid- innocently saying “But I didn’t mean to!” only now they take authority and say “It’s who I am.” Anyway, I am glad that I learned to not be navigated by my feelings all the time. I’m glad we share that!

      Reply
  6. norwaygranny

    We have a new Email address osogrande6@msn.com

    Reply
    1. Gracie (Post author)

      Thanks!

      Reply
  7. kazzibee

    go you! sometimes people can’t (or won’t) see the bigger picture, so don’t worry about it!

    Reply
    1. Gracie (Post author)

      Thanks!

      Reply
  8. misocrunchy

    I love the bed and basket photos, and that mushroom is really cool.

    Reply

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