I’m a little sad that my brother hasn’t really made much of an effort lately. He came by for about 20 minutes last Monday (the day that she was born), and left with his friend to go out for the night. I didn’t really mind that, but it was strange because his friend seemed far more interested in the baby than he was. He hasn’t called or visited since. I’m trying not to be hurt by it, because I know it’s not personal- he’s just a 20 year old guy who parties a lot and is probably not really thinking about his new niece and sister very much. I guess I did expect at least a phone call or two in the past week. It’s really a shame how oblivious and inconsiderate he can be. I know that if he were to hear this then he would feel terrible and come by- but I don’t want him to come out of guilt. I want him to come because it’s on his mind. You can’t ask that people feel something that they don’t, and so I’m not holding my breath. I’m disappointed is all. I just see the reality of the situation. He is totally in his own world. I think my disappointment is compacted by the fact that he is moving to Austin in April, and he will likely be living away from here for a long time. I just hope that he makes more of an effort when he leaves.
I have felt really loved, however, by the rest of my family- on both sides. Everyone is calling and stopping by and bringing meals and well-wishes. Jeff and I feel so supported and happy. Sometimes we wonder what it would be like to live somewhere else, but then we realize that we’d have to leave all of our family, and that’s just not something that we want to do. I guess it’s sort of a “bloom where you’re planted” type of situation in my mind. I feel like the strength and love that I get from my family and friends far outweigh the benefits of experiencing a new place or city. Besides, I can always visit new places.
My brother, however, was built to go somewhere else. He will likely be a very successful musician when he gets established, and Detroit is not what it used to be for that kind of thing. I understand that Austin has an awesome scene. It’s just so far away, and I want to really soak up the time that he is here with us. It saddens me that it seems he doesn’t have the same inclination.
Days are slow but so full lately. Baby needs me every couple hours, but is quiet and peaceful otherwise. Yesterday I got really stir crazy so I took the dog for a walk and then came home and made a list of all the things I can do in the near future. It’s fun to think about all the time I have for projects now. Mostly I like to imagine the weather turning warm though. I see myself planting and working in the garden while Vera naps in the shade. I picture whole days on the porch with friends and a cold drink. I see my dog lazing in the heat. I see long walks with Vera in the sling. I guess I’m a little tired of winter.
Quote of the day:
“A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.” -George Moore