I’m just mad at my dad is all…

I’ve been pretty tired and busy lately, so basically that means no updates. I told myself I would tonight though, so here I am.

A few days back my sister and I started talking about parenting. We were, of course, comparing our experiences and issues with our own upbringing, and it inevitably brought out some pretty interesting realizations. While I am infinitely pleased with the people in my family and who we’ve all become, I am still unresolved about some things. I don’t think I’ll really get any answers to some of this stuff, but I do think it was valuable for me to recognize some of my anger towards my dad in particular. I love him to death, but it’s a strange couple of years when you realize that you are an adult as well, and that mom and dad aren’t always right. Of course I liberally placed blame on them throughout my adolescence, but once you come out of that cloud it’s a different story altogether. It’s also strange to see their flaws, sometimes glaring you in the face. I suppose in some ways it makes me feel closer to them, like I can relate a bit more. However, in other ways it’s a bit of a heartbreak, and it also requires some tough reevaluating. I’m still meditating on how to resolve this restlessness within myself. I know that I need to continually work to forgive him for some of this stuff.
I know that I’m painfully normal too. I felt totally shocked that I was still dealing with resentment towards my folks when it hit me almost as fast that I’m just like everyone else. I don’t know that it’s possible to grow up without a little baggage. All in all, I’d say I feel just great, and I won’t think twice about asking my parents for help with my own kids. On the other hand, there are very specific things that I believe I will do differently, and I think that’s probably a good thing. I am truly grateful for them and for what they taught me, even if it means I reject some things. Anyway.

We went back to my grandparent’s house to help some more. We took a nice walk in the woods, which I think was necessary. Kind of a goodbye. These woods were always magical to me in the fall.

If you look right in the middle you can see two deer staring right back at me.

My lover.

I am allergic to chickpeas, so I miss out on all sorts of great stuff. Why do I know it’s great? Well, because I taste it (naughty!!!). I decided to make a black bean falafel. It wasn’t falafel, but it was delicious.

Ann Arbor has hybrid buses now! How cool is that?

Jeff finished the cabinet. He put door handles on it that make it look perfect, but my camera needs a serious lens-cleaning, and is sort of out of commission at the moment so I can’t show you. Anyway, I’m really proud of him. It’s his first piece of furniture for god’s sake! I can only imagine the beautiful things he’ll make over the years. It’s a piece that is extra cool because the doors actually open and then slide back into the body of the cabinet. It was impossible for him to find hardware that pivoted and had wheels, etc. It’s just an extremely specialized piece. So he made it. He made little wooden trolleys for the doors.
I just really like him. I really like the cabinet. He made the whole thing!

Comments (7)

  1. purerandomness

    We had deer on our lawn yesterday– Olive was going NUTS because she wanted to go out and meet them. So cool!

    I wish the bus I rode was hybrid, but I suppose it will be eventually. Do you suppose the university buses will eventually switch over?

    Jeff’s cabinet is amazing! Did he have to get any special sort of tools to make it, or did he have everything already? It seems like it could be a complicated piece, with the hinged and rolling doors.

    1. Gracie (Post author)

      Oh Olive seems so great! I love your doggy pictures.

      I don’t see why they wouldn’t switch over at some point! I was actually pretty surprised to see these buses, I guess I should be more optimistic.

      I think he had all the tools already. I think the only sorta specialized tool that he had was a router to make the edges rounded and shaped all cool. The router enabled him to make the trolley system with wooden tracks and little blocks of wood with the hinges attached to them. I swear he could’ve been an engineer, but I like carpenter/philosopher. Are you and Jake do-it-yourselfers?

      1. purerandomness

        We’d definitely like to think of ourselves as diy-ers! Jake is acquiring tools at the rate of a couple per year, mostly as X-mas presents. We’d really like to do the handiwork around our house ourselves.

  2. see_anotherside

    Ah, those woods… it looks gorgeous there. I miss nature when I’m in the city. That’s one downside about living away from home.

    That cabinet is awesome, Jeff did a great job!

    Hopefully you will find some resolution over the family stuff. Every now and then I realise that my parents are just people too. They do their best but they aren’t perfect, and I am so much like them in some ways.. once I realised that I started to understand them and myself a little better. And I feel bad that they had to put up with me when I went through a difficult phase as a teenager! I have issues with my father too – although it’s not so much about forgiving him, more about needing to reconnect with him. It’s hard, I have no idea how to go about it…

    1. Gracie (Post author)

      That does sound difficult! How to go about becoming closer to someone… Maybe all we can do is wait sometimes. I need to remind myself that so much has changed since all the shit happened, so what could happen in the next couple of years? I think patience and love is the way to come out relatively unscathed.
      I do miss your amazing nature photos when you are at school, but I do like Liverpool!

  3. 93_millionmiles

    That cabinet is awesome!! Isn’t it sooo nice to have a husband who can make things that are just right? It makes so many things in life more personal.

    1. Gracie (Post author)

      Well said! It makes little things so much more precious.


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