Polliwog Farm

I might explode

I’ve gotta make this quick! I’m heading out again today to hang out with my sister. I tell ya, it makes a big difference in my mood now that I’m getting more fresh air. Yesterday was a big day. We got Vera’s birth certificate, visited both my office and Jeff’s work, and went to the doctor. She has gained half a pound and grown an inch! The doc said maybe she just wasn’t measured right at first, but I like to think it’s all my good milk… She said Vera looked great and she didn’t even pressure me on vaccinations! She just asked me and I said I wanted to take a class on it. That’s my next order of business. My midwife gave me some resources, so I just need to find a class and time and we’ll go.
I don’t necessarily want to be a rebel, I just want to be informed. I never realized, contrary to my agreeable and sometimes “doormat” personality, how much I feel the need to be educated and in control of things like this. I feel strongly about utilizing my rights in this area. In many areas really. I care deeply about making the right choices.

Feb 23rd:
They say “sleep when she sleeps.” It’s harder than you’d think. I take the opportunity to… well, update my livejournal or something. Sometimes though, that pesky sleep bug gets the better of me.

Feb 24th:
Sometimes I am amazed that she’s only been here 2 weeks. This probably has a little to do with the staggered sleep, the seemingly constant feeding, and the amount of times that I’ve already washed all the diapers- over and over and over again- but really. She has so much spunk already.

Feb 25th:
Visiting my grandparents was really nice. It really does my grandpa good to see babies. I think maybe it does everyone good to see babies. After we visited the first set we went to see my mom’s folks in their new apartment. It was sooo nice. They live in the nicest assisted living facility I’ve ever seen. Jeff and I were joking about moving in. Anyway, the old ladies were holding Vera and I could tell that my grandma had lots of fun showing off. I really hope that I can stick to making this a more regular thing. It’s really on me because I know they’ll have me whenever.

Feb 26th:
Snow. Snow snow snow. I like it. It’s fresh and clean and nice at this stage.

Feb 27th:
Um, so basically, I know that I’ve been peppering you with lots of baby. I know this! However, I have just realized that I am falling deeply and passionately in love with this kid. I was in awe of her when she was born. I watched her little toes curl and her eyes twitch beneath her eyelids. I wondered what she was dreaming of. Now this awe is paired with a fondness that I’ve never experienced before. She makes me laugh all the time. She makes me proud. She grows before my eyes and I can barely remember what she looked like the day before. I wonder if this squeaking is just a preview to the chatterbox she might become. I think about who she’ll be. I love the way she feels when I hold her to my chest. Basically, this is so great already. I really didn’t know her when she first arrived. I am still getting to know her. I can really safely say that I love her so much.
And it’s only been 2 weeks! What am I going to do?!? I fear that my heart might explode. My dad said that I should be prepared for the way in which your kids make your capacity for love expand exponentially. I’m starting to know what he meant.

Bonus Vera pic:
I am aware she may hate us for this later, but she’s got such a head of hair we just have to mess with it a little. Besides, it might all fall out soon.

Quote of the day:
“No one can earn a million dollars honestly.” -William Jennings Bryan


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13 thoughts on “I might explode

  1. Just beautiful. I love the little baby mouth photos with nursing callous–oh so sweet.

    I’m so excited to be a witness to this falling in love process–it is truly humbling and amazing and I’m thrilled to go through it alongside you.

    1. I know! Something about baby lips and breath and… I dunno. Makes people puddles of goo.

      I’m glad that we are witnessing each other in this too. I only see our own sisterhood growing deeper as a result.

  2. awwww you can keep peppering us with lots of baby! i’m never having one of my own, so i’m just going to live vicariously through you and my friend jenny…

    also, i just want to let you know: i think it’s AMAZING how you’re going about all of this, from the birth to the diapers to the vaccinations. you make sure that you know all of the facts, and then you do what YOU think is best for you and your baby. (why does the world think they know this better than you?) too many people don’t even consider the options, and just automatically do what everybody else is doing. so keep it up! (and get some rest… 🙂

    1. Vicariously live away! Haha.

      Thanks so much. I really hope that more people can reclaim their own voice in these and other areas. I think it’s so important! I don’t always feel so sure of myself, so it really helps to get encouragement like you’ve given. 🙂

  3. oh, the hair-do is too funny, poor Vera! And there is no such thing as “too much baby”! Who’s heard of such a crazy statement?! Flood the live journal with Baby V! 🙂

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