I don’t know about you guys…

but I believe in lots of things that I can’t see. I believe in energy, love, faith, spirit, god, heck… even dragons (jeff told me about them, it’s wild)! Sometimes though, I find it hard to believe in things that I feel that I should see but don’t. It’s hard to trust the process sometimes. Hell, it’s sometimes hard to even know that there IS a process.

Today I had a rough start. Worried about the same old stuff, but with even a few more issues plopped decoratively on top. I got to the point where I was thinking to myself – “What the hell is all of this for anyway? What’s the point? Why even bother with any of it?”
Then I realized that I was becoming exactly what I want NOT to be. Bitter and impatient. I need to remember one of my favorite sayings:

An expectation is a premeditated resentment.

Sometimes I forget that there really is purpose for putting your faith in something. I have reached a point where I must surrender my worries, my fears, my uncertainty, and I have to just relax and enjoy my life exactly as it is right now. I have to trust that I am taken care of, like I always have been, and always will be. I need to remember that I believe the energy I put out circles around me, and can either build me up or bring me down. I always have control of my own mind, even when it goes on and on without my permission.

There’s something about this song that always makes me feel better and free.

Ani Difranco
Little Plastic Castles

in a coffee shop in a city
which is every coffee shop
in every city
on a day which is every day
i pick up a magazine
which is every magazine
and read a story then forgot it right away

they say goldfish have no memory
i guess their lives are much like mine
the little plastic castle
is a surprise every time
it’s hard to say if they are happy
but they don’t seem much to mind

from the shape of your shaved head
i recognized your silhoutte
as you walked out of the sun and sat down
and the sight of your sleepy smile eclipsed all the other people
as they paused to snear at the girls from out of town

i said, “Look at you this morning
you are by far the cutest
be careful getting coffee
i think these people want to shoot us
Maybe there’s some kind of local competition here

to see who can be the rudest

people talk about my image
like i come in two dimensions
like lipstick is a sign of my declining mind
like what i happen to be wearing the day
that someone takes a picture
is my new statement for all of womankind

i wish they could see us now
in leather bras and rubber shorts
like some ridiculous team uniform
for some ridiculous new sport
quick someone call the girl police
and file a report

in a coffee shop in a city
which is every coffee shop
in every city
on a day which is every day


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