He said I did what?!
Sometimes life’s most basic lessons come rearing their lovely heads when you least expect it. You know, just as a reminder. How is one to remember to not cross the road without looking unless they get hit once in a while? No, that’s ridiculous. Look both ways. Hey, I got hit by a car and it was my walk signal. You should probably stay away from streets with cars on them altogether.
Anyway, I just think that there are certain things that are tempting to do, and usually make no sense as to why you shouldn’t do them, they even FEEL right, but somehow we have learned that they will get us nowhere but trouble. Hopefully a combination of experience, conscience, and good old common sense will keep you from harm’s way. If for some reason you are lacking in those qualities one day, and you find that you have waded knee-deep into a puddle of self-pity and regret, you’ve probably found another one of the world’s lovely life lessons. Embrace it. Love it. This is a gift. This is an opportunity for you to become better than you were. This is a soggy moment, even goopy between the toes- but I have to believe that there is purpose for a wet head on a day without an umbrella.
I had a situation. I was sort of caught in a gossipy web. Then I tried to get out. And then because of that I got talked about. And then it was all stupid and ironic. And then I had to say something to smooth things over, which of course is awkward, but was the right thing to do. I feel like in the end I really am ok now, and I’ve done what I can. I just can’t help but think that this is one of those obvious lessons specifically for me. I really believe that gossiping is not something that does any good. It gives people the illusion that they have control, or are superior, or they even use it to feel connected to others and share some common ground. In truth though, it creates negative energy that I can literally feel swelling up in my chest at times. I always am aware of the fact that this could hurt someone if it caught the wrong pair of ears, but I ignore it and feed the nagging feeling that this must be done. It’s not good stuff. I don’t like to do it, I don’t like to hear it. But sometimes I start to trick myself and say that I do like it this time. I do think there’s a difference between gossip and “venting” but it has as much to do with the content as it does with who you tell, why you tell them, how you tell them, etc. This is where I think my lesson lies.
As most of you know, I’m what I lovingly refer to as a “consistency junkie.” I realized gradually that everything fits together really nicely for the most part. You can’t always see it, but everything is interwoven- creating this web of truth and reality. It’s not something that I feel the need to make sense out of all the time, but I do sort of trust that it’s all purposeful and cyclical and that kind of thing. When I am faced with a problem such as this, I turn to my faith that all works together and that there is an answer- at least a direction. So when it comes to today, I guess I would say that what I’ve learned is that I need to figure out how to be consistent with what kind of talk I’m ok with and what kind I’m not. And then comes the action. I will then conciously try to avoid situations that encourage inconsistency in this area. I will try to recognize situations where I haven’t been honest in this area, and then i will remedy them where I can.
I guess i think it’s good to know what you think is right and wrong. I know some people say they can’t know what that is, but I think that all of us have a moral compass, and that we know at least that we need to learn more and grow. I think that’s evidence enough for me to keep improving.
Oh, I also wanted to touch on my new icon. It’s from the book The Little Prince, which is definitely one of the more meaningful books of my youth. Good for adults too. Anyway, there’s this part where a little boy draws a brownish blob (shown at the top) and all the adults he shows it to say “Oh, what a nice hat you’ve drawn!” But the boy is discouraged by this because he had not drawn a hat at all! It was, in fact, a boa that had swallowed an elephant. OBVIOUSLY. Anyway, stay open, stay creative, and don’t let the man get you down.
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The Little Prince
I LOVE that icon.
“Draw me a sheep…”
But I had never drawn a sheep. So I drew for him one of the two pictures I had drawn so often. It was that of the boa constrictor from the outside. And I was astounded to hear the little fellow greet it with,
“No, no, no! I do not want an elephant inside a boa constrictor. A boa constrictor is a very dangerous creature, and an elephant is very cumbersome. Where I live, everything is small. What I need is a sheep.”