stir-crazy: adj. Informal.
Distraught or restless from long confinement in or as if in prison.
Well, prison is a bit much, but still…
This morning I had been up for less than 2 hours and I couldn’t stand it anymore. Today was supposed to be a really active day, and because of the crazy (albeit strikingly beautiful) snow all of our plans have been cancelled. Except for Jeff’s band practice tonight. Rose will come over then and have tea with me, so that’ll be nice. I think I felt so unhappy more because of my expectations not being met than anything else. I used to soak up days at home. I’d do a project, sip my tea, watch a movie, take a long walk… Now, I just can’t take it anymore. High-class problems, I know, but I’ve never been so… in the same spot. I don’t want to say idle, because I know that taking care of Vera is good work, but I am a productive and social kind of person- almost to my surprise. I wouldn’t say I’m a workaholic by any means. I can slack off with the best of them, but I am used to feeling like I’m… contributing. I realized the other day that I haven’t been out of work for this long since I started working at 14. It’s taken the contrast in lifestyle for me to see how much I really value activity. If anything I would’ve critizised myself for being lazy too often. I ache to go for an hour long walk. My midwife said that many women run into this kind of feeling with new babies in winter. I do feel very cozy and nice in the house, but when this weather turns I’ll be outside most of my days. I think the other thing is that I got used to being very pregnant and basically getting exercise all day long, and I think now that I don’t have that extra weight I am in need of exercise. Everyone tells me not to exercise too quickly, but I wonder if my instincts could be that far off. Maybe I can just do a ton of power walking. I don’t want to put out the wrong message though- there’s no place I’d rather be than with Vera and I can’t imagine being away from her.
Anyway, enough of my bitch session. I guess I’ll turn this into a positive request for ideas about what to do at home to help quell the stir-crazy monster within. I think I’m gonna go to this group thing for new moms. Maybe I can meet some new people. One of the hard things about being at home all day is that everyone else still works. Maybe if I made some new mom friends I’d have more to do during the day.
My pretty pup. We’re trying to give her lots of love, and I think she actually likes the baby. She licks the top of her head and perks up when she cries… It’s sweet.
Grapefruits are still really high on my list. Maybe it wasn’t a prego craving after all…maybe I have a whole area in my brain dedicated to grapefruit appreciation. This is highly possible. I believe I have a tomato appreciation area that’s been active for years… ok, I need to get out of the house.
Quote of the day (courtesy of my dad):
“Man, it’s already the Year of the Rat and I’m still writing ‘Monkey’ on my checks.” -Unknown