Lately I find myself trying to find the tiniest bit of time for myself. Time not doing dishes or trying to catch up on anything, just by myself and peaceful and quiet. That always seems to land at about 10:30 or 11 and night, and so I plop in front of the TV (because I’m too tired to think of anything else) only to fall asleep moments later. Then I wake up half an hour later to the loud commercial voice telling me I need this or that, I turn the noise off and stumble to bed in the dark and snuggle up next to my Jeff, because really it’s where I wanted to be in the first place. It’s a quiet struggle in my head, the balancing between me and us or work and play. As much as I try to find that time for myself, though, I inevitably find that it’s not as fulfilling as the time I spend providing for others. My desire to have “me time” certainly springs from a good place- a place that wants to nurture my creative and intellectual side, a place that wants to regroup and be healthy enough to fully care for others. However, I think that I need to find that space in the midst of all the hustle and bustle of my daily life. I guess because even when I do find that time that is truly quiet and mine, all I can really do well is sleep. And I need sleep.
Yesterday I was really able to find it. I woke up and did that whole thing, then I went to my sisters where she made me sit down to read this blog while she made me a delicious lunch and some tea while our babies slept. It was amazing what 15 minutes of time spent just reading about this woman did for me. Then I sat down and ate delicious chicken tacos and talked with my dear sister. She really allowed me just the tiniest bit of space to feel nurtured myself, and it turned out to be all I needed.
*Ok, random interruption, but I just got drool in my eye. No joke. Glob of drool. Fell straight in left eye.*
After I went over there I went to the fabric store for some yarn to make this wool soaker for Vera. Then to farmer’s market where I got loads of freshness and all the things I love. While I was there I ran into a girl I knew when I was a kid and we had some adult conversation. She makes cheeses and was selling them there. She’s also getting married to one of my old highschool friends. She comes from a very big family and seems completely unfettered by kids and babies, and so she asked if she could hold Vera while I shopped. It was so nice, even in the rain, walking around talking to the local farmers and filling my bags up with deliciousness. I came home and made an (almost) entirely local meal for Jeff and our housemate. We ate on the porch and I just felt so good.
My punk rock baby… It’s so much fun to mess with her!
My herb garden is doing very well. I love it, and I actually have trouble using everything. I’m starting to put cuttings in vases through the house. There are also two volunteer pumpkin plants (probably from seeds that got knocked off the porch last fall). It’s great because I didn’t plant pumpkin because I didn’t think I’d have space, but things seem to have a way of working out.
Dinner last night. Polenta with red spinach and basil, topped with pepper coated goat cheese, slices of roast chicken, sauteed garlic and kale, and purple heirloom tomatoes. On the side are green beans- lightly sauteed with garlic, butter, and a little maple syrup. Then the salad is just various greens from our garden, plus the nasturtium flowers always make it more fun. Everything is local and organic, except I don’t know where the polenta came from. Yum.
MY BIG SISTER’S BIRTHDAY IS TODAY!!! This is part one of three for her birthday presents from me. It’s a knitting case I made out of scrap fabrics I had around. She’s recently gotten really into knitting and has just taken off with it. I was glad to give her something I knew she’d really use. I’m so amazed by the woman she’s become. She’s really blossomed into a person that I truly admire and am proud to call my friend. After years of being unable to connect or understand each other, I’m so grateful that we both met again on our paths and have become important and happy parts of each other’s lives.
Quote of the day (for Gretchen):
“I used to wait for a sign, she said, before I did anything. Then one night I had a dream & an angel in black tights came to me & said, you can start any time now, & then I asked is this a sign? & the angel started laughing & I woke up. Now, I think the whole world is filled with signs, but if there’s no laughter, I know they’re not for me.” -Brian Andreas