Feel free to listen, feel free to stare…
Lately I’ve been wanting to write much more than I actually have been writing. Sometimes it’s hard to get started. Since little John stopped coming, I have been filling the space with a variety of things. I thought I would be searching for something to do, but in reality everything just filled right up and I’m more and more active. It’s nice, one of the things I was worried about missing were my "days off", which felt so relaxing and I was so grateful for that slow "just us" time. I still have that, though not in regular intervals anymore. Today is a day off. My plan is to go to this plant place with my friend, come home and clean up a bit (this house has been hit with a toddler tornado), start some sourdough bread, beans, and kombucha, laundry, and see if my other friend wants to go for a walk. Then later tonight after Vera has gone to sleep I’ll paint some more of our house and listen to Townes Van Zandt (the ultimate zen experience, at least for today’s purposes). Anyway, I’ve been doing odd jobs, cleaning and lots of simple work, which I find to be really good for me. It frees up my mind from thinking about trivial things, and it gets me to a more honest place, a place where I think about what matters to me. It makes me want to write about it, but then I end the day just wanting to spend some time with Jeff and eat a smoothie (I’ve been loving using my frozen fruit from last year with some plain yogurt and maple syrup).
Anyway, it’s later now and I’m home, about to start the beans and laundry- I think I’ll save bread and kombucha for tomorrow afternoon. I’ve been finding that being flexible is really essential right now. I need to strive towards things, but stay open and loosen my expectations. Because seriously, I’d lose my mind if I didn’t. There are still boxes in each room of the main floor- the area that’s actually mostly unpacked. I mean, things just don’t go as smoothly or quickly as I’d like, almost ever. And so every time I come to write here, there’s so much going on- the house, garden, doula stuff, whatever… it just brings me great clarity to dive into a simple job and just do it. Like cleaning the kitchen after a long day. Or folding laundry. Keeping it simple. So that’s what I’m thinking I’ll do with my writing. There are many things I’ve wanted to write about, but just only seem to scratch the surface because I’m trying to do too much at once. I’m thinking I’ll just dive in and dedicate whole posts to things like my thoughts on food, or Vera, or my garden, or birth, or money, or whatever I’m thinking. I think I have to break it down like that to get into any depth on it. So yeah, one of my goals for this week is to start that little project- to exercise that muscle- my writing/venting/activist/lover/momma/foodie/woman muscle.
So I guess that’s all I have for today. I do have pictures, but my baby seems to be having a nurse-fest today, and I’m not really in the mood to swing her ever-lengthening toddler body around the house still latched to me, just to find my camera. See? Flexible. No pictures today, at least that I took. Here’s a photo that kind of sums up how I’ve been feeling lately, with this weather and freshness everywhere.
"Our life is frittered away by detail… simplify, simplify." -Henry David Thoreau
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Oh man, i miss lilacs, ohhhh they smell so goooood.