Clearing spaces…

I’ve been angry at a person lately, and it’s feeling kind of toxic. I’m usually able to feel a great deal of compassion for people, but lately that’s been hard to do in this situation. Pregnancy seems to put me in a mama-bear-no-nonsense-protect-myself-and-my-loved-ones kind of space, which is great actually, but not really productive in this case. Anyway, I’m realizing that although I shouldn’t be blind to some of the dysfunction that has precipitated this anger, the anger itself is merely a signal for change. I’m feeling like I need to clear some of that anger out of my head, and replace it with some clear intentions and boundaries. I saw this quote and it resonated, so it will be the quote of the day:

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." – Mother Teresa

I’m going to focus on clearing out those dusty spaces in my heart. I don’t have room for much resentment and anger- I’ve got too much to do. I think part of what draws me towards simplicity in my life is that it leads me to a place of clarity- one where the good that I have to offer is actually realized rather than bogged down by the insecurities and complications that inevitably arise in this life. The last thing I need is more clutter- whether it’s physical, emotional, or spiritual. I still don’t like to read/listen to the news anymore- and that used to be a daily event. So they’re still destroying the planet and coming up with bogus solutions when the real solution is right in front of them. Great. Good to know. I think it’s because it just adds stress to my life, and distracts me from useful action. I hear about the oil spill, and now- rather than look up every possible article on the subject- I’m grieving and focusing on my garden and working to heal this small space that I have an agency over. So it is with relationships, etc. I’m not arguing for ignorance, but just for a discerning eye when it comes to the kind of information/emotion/stuff/etc. that we allow into our lives each day. What good is anger if it cripples us? Anyway. I read this great thing the other day that I wanted to share:

"We are suffering from a great illness, and the way to get better is to serve others. We should all be in service. It makes us well. I serve the birds and trees, the earth, the water. Anybody can do it. They can do it in their way. It’s action time." (Bruce Stewart quoted from Jensen’s A Language Older Than Words)

Such spunk. She’s taken to socks lately, as well as shoes. 

One of my pre-baby projects is to get this side entrance all finished and painted up. It’ll look really nice when we’re done with it.

Our fish are doing really well since we got an aquarium. They are bigger, I think! I’m just so happy that I learned about it all and stopped putting them in the death trap (aka fish bowl). I felt so bad losing those fish! 

Since we’re getting rid of the TV, I’m excited to start involving Vera in lots of activities with me. I made bread last night (I still wish it was less flat! I think the starter just takes time to develop…). Vera helped and made her own little cinnamon raisin honey loaf. It was very sweet to watch her press raisins into the dough and sprinkle flour on it randomly. She’s been proudly munching it all morning.

Anyway. Today I’m babysitting, picnicking, weeding, cooking, and keeping it as simple as possible. 

Gracie
Gracie

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Comments (11)

  1. haurelia

    Grace, I’m totally with you on having a discerning eye. The overwhelming feelings that can arise from living in this crazy civilization are kept at bay by focusing on my family, my kitchen, the beautiful weather, a rummage sale, our pets…well, pretty much anything in my micro-universe.

    On a lighter note, just hang in there with your sourdough. It does get better with time. Another thing to consider is to try it in a loaf pan, rather than as a boule…having something to “climb” might keep it a little taller. I found it works best (with my method, anyway) to make a large batch of dough and put it in a large loaf pan for the second rise.

    Vera is a peach!

    Reply
    1. Gracie (Post author)

      Good to know it gets better over time. I have done some loaves in bread pans- but I just so envy those beautiful free-form loaves that I can get from Riverside Bakery! Someday I’ll do it…

      I’m glad you are going to take care of your little spot. I can’t wait to see more pictures of the house as it progresses!

      Reply
  2. pithy_epigrams

    While I understand that it doesn’t work for everyone, I find that the news invigorates me to act. When I see/hear something that truly angers me, such as the Arizona anti-immigrant bill, it inspires me to fight for change. Without the news of the oil spill, I wouldn’t have been inspired to sign that petition. Without the news I wouldn’t have forced myself to fight against war, capitalism, and the like.

    I know it’s different for different people, but for me, anger stimulates positive action.

    Reply
    1. Gracie (Post author)

      Yeah, I agree with you, and I do like to stay in the loop. I guess I found that taking in that kind of information the way that I used to (daily on NPR) caused me to become too overwhelmed. I’m sure a lot of it now has to do with the fact that I believe that civilization in general is unsustainable, so things like voting and signing petitions and going to rallies- while they may ward off some negative stuff and build community- is overall kind of pacifying us and not really doing much, IMO. I remember being so idealistic about Obama taking office, and then realizing how foolish I was after he appointed Vilsack as the head of agriculture… among other things. I’m not arguing that it’s not better than it would be, but I’m not convinced that all our political victories aren’t just sort of stalling the inevitable. At least, that’s just how I’ve come to see a lot of that stuff.
      When I believed that we could work within the system to change it, I didn’t feel as overwhelmed by all the bad news. Now, I see the problem, and I see the solution, and I see how I can’t really actualize the solution without threatening my safety or freedom or ability to be with my family… and those same news stories that used to invigorate me are now sort of lost in the shuffle. I like to stay informed, but now my ability to tolerate that information is really changed based on how differently I view my role in it all now.
      Anyway, that was kind of a ramble, but I guess I do want to say that ultimately I agree with you- I’m plenty angry and that keeps motivating me. I suppose that the individual stories now just blur together a bit now and become noisy. I hope that made some sense. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
      1. pithy_epigrams

        I can see how most people’s actions towards events in the world are fruitless. I really agree. For the most part, all of what “we” do is pointless. Health care reform, not what we need. Immigration reform, not what we need.

        Revolution? The end of capitalism?

        That’s what we need. (IMO)

        Reply
  3. littleloveflame

    I love her socks!
    and that honey loaf looks YUM

    Reply
  4. decemberthirty

    Your bread looks good. Even if it’s flat, there’s still nothing quite like homemade bread. I’ve had the problem with flat loaves too, but I never managed to resolve it.

    And hooray for getting rid of your tv! My partner and I just took the plunge and got rid of ours a few weeks ago. We’ve been happy not to have it–hope you will be too!

    Reply
    1. Gracie (Post author)

      Yay for no TV! I’m excited, I don’t think we’ll miss it very much. That’s so cool that there’s another person on my FL who got rid of theirs! More time for delicious homemade bread!

      Reply
  5. muirichinnahali

    *hugs* I feel like I’ve been doing the same for the past couple years. And you’re right… clearing out the physical/emotional/spiritual clutter really helps with personal clarity and peace. <3

    Reply
    1. Gracie (Post author)

      *hugs* right back atcha! Wishing you lots of clarity and peace. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  6. Anonymous

    jonah is so into socks right now too. he wont wear regular white cotton ones…nope has to be the funky printed ones. yesterday he wore thigh high rainbow socks with his shorts ALL DAY in the 85+ degree heat. I kept asking if he wanted to take them off but he didnt want to. kids!

    Reply

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