Well what a week, eh? It’s nothing like I expected it to be, and yet it all fits right into place in my mind. Everything about my life right now is a happy replication of labor- the constant acceptance and repetition, the tired reluctance and then the joy of accomplishment. I just can’t imagine not feeling absolutely everything right now. I never want to numb a part of my experience again. I think, once you reach that place of desperation and you push right through it, life takes on this whole new light. I have burst into tears several times over the past few days, and although they were brought on in situations where my patience has been tried or my body has been tired, I know that they come from a place that is happily alive. I can’t say that I have it all figured out in my head. My head is a jumbled mix of hormones right now. I can say that pain doesn’t mean what it did to me before, and that changes a lot of things.
I missed a couple of days of 365… I hope you all will forgive me!
This was the birth necklace all put together. I didn’t end up wearing it, but in the early stages of labor I held it. I think I’ll make some new pieces of jewelry out of it so that I can wear it, and probably use the big butterfly in a piece of “hanging art.” It was cool how much I remembered to do early on. I played the cd that a friend gave me, and I burned a candle that a coworker gave for labor. I was actually really glad to have those things there to remind me of all the support.
Today has been such a beautiful day. So sunny. I went outside for the first time since having her- just to take out the trash and compost- and I swear it was a spiritual experience. I breathed the cold air deeply, shut my eyes, and actually got a lump in my throat.
I plan to start writing Vera’s birth story tomorrow, so it will be as fresh as possible.