What do you all think of this theory?
I guess I have just found that I used to have some really close guy friends, and we’re still friends, but it’s just not the same anymore since Jeff. It’s especially noticeable with the old friends that I had that are now involved with girlfriends of mine. It’s as if my loyalty just shifted to the women- not for any reason though. It’s like it was as natural as it could be.
There is a part of me that misses the emotional intimacy I had with some of these friends. I really cherished the dynamic between myself and my guy friends- it was just somehow simpler and way less likely to have needless drama. I don’t really have much drama with my girlfriends, but it is different in a way. Now that I think of it, I had a girlfriend who wanted to have a relationship with me at one point, and ever since that tension was established we no longer had the same type of intimacy that we once did. Now I never see her, which is good cuz she turned out to be a loon, but with all of these people I really did want to continue having the same quality relationship that I once did, but now it seems that I just can’t. I asked my coworker (who’s been with her partner for several years) if she had any close guy friends. She said yes, but then she told me that they all happened to be gay. Interesting.
Now this is not to say that I don’t have successful friendships with men… I do. They just don’t have the same quality or intimacy that they did have when I was single, and they don’t in any way compare to my relationships with women- and at one time I could say that they did. This is also not to say that I love the women in my life more, because I don’t, but the emotional complexity and depth is just different.
I also hate to be a pessimist, but I have seen friends attempt this kind of deep relationship with others while in a relationship, and they have usually grown apart from their partner- and sometimes cheated. I mean, aside from it just being good common sense to not go out drinking and bonding with someone other than your partner… i dunno. I guess I’m not claiming to have an answer to this one. I just know that as part of the general maintainance of our relationship, we have just sort of naturally become less intimate with certain people.
What is your experience with this?