Posted On May 18, 2007
I get in this mode where I feel like I can’t update unless I upload some of these pictures as well. Then I figure out that I don’t really have the time to do that and I put it off all together. Or, when I do have the time to update, I’m not in a place where I can get the pictures off my camera. Grr. I need to stop thinking that way. What am I to do when I need a good eljay session? I’ll just do a picture post later (a large one, sheesh), and just talk for now.
I’ve been having strange reoccuring thoughts about an ex-friend of mine. We haven’t seen each other or talked in any form for almost a year and a half, yet I have these spurts of thinking of her daily. I always get really freaked out, like I’m somehow manifesting a confrontation… Jeff suggested that the energy is there because maybe she’s thinking of me too. I like to think of it that way. I think I also don’t like it to take up so much brain space because it’s not like I haven’t dealt with it all- I really feel that I have actually. I’m sure there’s more in there, just not so much as to have me think of her all the time. It’s not even like it’s thinking of her in an unresolved way either. It’s like she’s just a character in my dreams, or I’ll just think fondly about things that we did together, whatever. When we first decided to “break up”, I had angry thoughts, sad thoughts, etc. Now they are just thoughts. I’m just going to take it in stride. I’ve since decided that it’s ok for me to miss and love her, far after we stopped being friends- and that our time together was important and significant. It would almost be a crime for me to forget her. I suppose it just confuses me with this frequency. It feels good to talk about it though.
Well I’m leaving to volunteer- I’m returning to work the crisis line again now that I have more time and can miss 4 hours of work every week. I am excited. It sets me right. I’ll try to update with photos tonight 🙂