Blah.

Today I felt down. My energy was lacking, almost right from the start. I lost my motivation, and a lot of the work I like to do just seemed overwhelming and I could only see it piling up again. Not to mention a needy and teething baby (those last ones before her 2 years are FINALLY breaking through), and this heat. I’m not built for this heat.

You know, I’m generally a very happy and motivated person, but today just left me thinking about how hard it must be for people who suffer from depression. I know myself, and this will pass- likely by tonight, I can already feel the cloud lifting- but some people can’t shake it. I think I need to add that to my gratitude list. I’m a mostly happy person, and that enables me to be many more things.

Jeff says that people are on three different cycles. A physical cycle, a mental cycle, and an emotional cycle. They all go round and round until sometimes they intersect (either on the happy energized side of the spectrum or the sad tired end). That’s what today felt like to me- like I crashed and just couldn’t do anything other than mope. My body, my mind, my spirit… just felt limp. Such a drag. What Jeff says encouraged me though.

I’ve also been spreading myself too thin. Sometimes I really take on so much, and maybe I need to slow down. It’s not like I can’t accomplish all that I want to, but I think I may have to loosen my expectations of myself. Even thinking back on today, I still was able to mostly sort through an incredible mound of paperwork that Jeff and I had been stalling on since January. I also cleaned and cooked. I just have to step back a little, give myself a little air. It also helps to think about labor. Isn’t it funny how often I mention labor here? Anyway, I once heard that when whatever coping technique you were using to deal with the pain stops working, that that tends to be a good thing because it means something has changed and things are progressing. Maybe I can think about my low moments like that. I can be encouraged by the idea that perhaps my life is shifting in a new direction and that my hard work will soon pay off. I just have to shift my own body and mind to help me through it. I dunno.

Anyway, sorry for making a semi-whiny post. Venting is good. I’m gonna shamelessly relax tonight and eat strawberries and milk and ask for lots of kisses from my family. I think that’s the prescription.

Gracie
Gracie

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Comments (10)

  1. honeyrider

    i struggle with depression and anxiety daily and experience the feelings you are having today more often than not. you’re truly blessed to be a happy person!

    enjoy your relaxation night. happy or not, it’s necessary to make space for the mind to unwind completely.

    Reply
    1. Gracie (Post author)

      I’m so sorry that you have to deal with that! I really wish that I could find the secret to lift that weight for people. I hope you have all the support you need.

      I used to struggle with social anxiety, but now that seems to have gone away for the most part. I still pull my hair out over a speech, but in general I don’t get that feeling I used to. I think back, and the thing that changed the most was my diet. I started drinking kombucha and raw milk and red raspberry leaf tea (a hormone regulator), and really balancing everything. Cutting out sugar and refined foods, etc. It’s funny, because I think back on yesterday when I was feeling that way, and I had a few days where I ate food that I normally wouldn’t and had a lot more sugar than I normally do. Makes me wonder.

      πŸ™‚

      Reply
      1. ladyfaith3

        that is a very good point, we have been eating stuff I was cutting out of our diets too. White bread, for one, and convenience foods. Now that I am back on my veggies, lean meats, and whole grains I am feeling great!

        Reply
        1. Gracie (Post author)

          You know, I’ve been doing a lot of research on animal fats- and it turns out they are extremely good for you! Lean meats get a lot of hype from the healthy living side of things, but I think this springs from the idea that fat is what makes you fat (which is not true). Anyway, check this out if you are interested:

          http://www.wired.com/medtech/health/news/2005/05/67473
          http://www.westonaprice.org/knowyourfats/skinny.html

          Reply
          1. ladyfaith3

            thanks for the articles I will read them thoroughly later but skimmed them. I have never cut out fat, I have whole milk, and real butter, I don’t mind yogurt containing milk fat and I don’t mind some animal fats. I think though that the big problem was with the convienience foods, very highly processed and heavy. How do you feel about carbs? I eat a lot of carbs but I have changed to whole grain bread and brown rice…so less processed and better for me. πŸ™‚ I cut back on potatoes, and refined sugar, though we do still have it in our diets.

          2. Gracie (Post author)

            I think that eating grains can be really hard on your digestive system, unless they are properly prepared. (check out the book “Nourishing Traditions” on how to do that) I think it also depends on your digestion- lots of people have gluten allergies and intolerances, and so that should be a factor. But you know, we’re poor and we try to eat locally, and people have been eating grains for centuries, and so grains are a staple in our diet. I think if you’re going to eat bread, eat sourdough or sprouted grain breads/tortillas. Always eat organic. Always soak your oats overnight, and stay away from breakfast cereal completely. That’s just a collection of what I’ve learned to do. Also, I love potatoes and don’t feel bad about eating them, so long as it doesn’t upset my stomach or make me feel sluggish or anything. Anyway, feel free to post about food and recipes- I always love to learn from other people. πŸ™‚

          3. ladyfaith3

            I love food, I am not quite as far as you on the healthy side, I am working on it though. πŸ™‚ One thing that is healthy and I enjoy is Salad salad salad! I love spinach, and all kinds of green food πŸ™‚ When I am pregnant I crave TOMATOs!! Yes coffee is a fabulous indulgence!

  2. ladyfaith3

    Sometimes it is all about just needing rest! for me though I tend to get busy and not eat and that is a BIG mistake. I bounce back when I stop and take care of me and give myself some time. Sometimes I need to reconnect with my husband and feel important to him, and remember WHO I am thankful to (faith) Venting is good and I am glad you did. I wish we lived clowe I would make you some tea πŸ™‚

    Reply
    1. Gracie (Post author)

      That would be so nice! I’d drink a cup of coffee with you (so hard not to love it!). I’m glad you’re feeling better. I also thought about your post about exercise and I feel the same way. Lately I’ve found if I just do it anyway I’m ALWAYS happy I did. Even just a walk around the block. I really want to stick to a routine. How are your exercise goals going? I’m losing weight pretty consistently- I’m down 6 pounds from the last update I gave you. πŸ™‚

      Reply
      1. ladyfaith3

        that is wonderful!! congrats on the 6 lbs! I managed to lose 2 but then stopped in my eating right and exersizing so I am not sure now. πŸ™‚ We’ll just say I lost it and keep on going !!

        Reply

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