What world do you live in?

Posted On January 31, 2011

Read this quote this morning, and it just resonated through my being.

‎"A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world; everyone you meet is your mirror" – Ken Keyes, Jr.

Yes. Yes yes. This morning I woke up feeling hopeful about the future. Jeff and I have been having these big, adult talks about him quitting his job at the parking garage (the union job that he’s had for 5 years now, that gave us health benefits so long as he worked an average of 20 hrs/week). I thought that was a great deal, and it was… but now that I have my job, and I’ve got plenty of work to do there, and he’s got his tech support job, and lots to do there- we started thinking. The only thing that’s keeping him there is the health insurance. When we break it down, really the only thing keeping us there is the chance that if one of us gets sick, we’ll end up owing copious amounts of money and it’ll ruin us. These are not baseless fears. It’s possible that if one of us were to need treatment for something, or need emergency care, we would be thousands upon thousands of dollars in debt- just like that. But lately, it just hasn’t felt right. It hasn’t felt like we should just accept that. It’s not a good enough reason for us to have him away for 20 hours a week doing something he doesn’t care about when I would much rather him use that 20 hours to be home and help me work, or if we get this land, (which we’re talking more seriously about, and will be contacting the owner this week!!!) I’d want him here to help me on our little farm.

So, we’re going to research how much it would cost for health insurance if we broke away from this job. We’re looking at doing a combination of the following: buying some kind of emergency health care plan, something that will cover emergency/urgent care visits and prescriptions. We might actually qualify for medicaid, but I’m not sure. Then we’ll budget each month for dental and go to the dental school for reduced price cleanings/etc. Then we’ll pay into a family plan for this community supported anthroposophical medicine, at the long-time recommendation of my good friend. We’d pay a monthly fee and have unlimited visits, and it would cover all of our well care- including my pelvic exams, etc. I’m a big fan of alternative medicine, I just always thought it was an expense we couldn’t afford to make. So, it’s a bit of a gamble, but I think it will work. And I’ve just been meditating on the whole concept of just being… our own. We’ve also possibly got a source for the money we need for this land. Amazing! Needless to say, my mind has been a-flutter with dreams and feeling all the energy of possibility… 

Anyway, I check my email this morning and see a message from a person who is donating some supplies to me for my job. She was very nice, but her first few sentences were like "Wow, that’s a super big project, are you sure you want to do this? cuz that’s a lot of work, do you know how much work that is? I don’t envy you a bit…" Then she said something about admiring my enthusiasm. I can’t help but roll my eyes at this point. This is the majority of the responses that I get about my garden plan for my job. I just don’t get it. I mean, yes, I’m planning an enormous vegetable garden, and I’m hoping to put up a fair amount of the food for the winter, and also distribute food through the growing season to many people. It’s a job! Probably a bigger job than I realize. But my goodness, I’m not sure what people aim to do with those comments. Warn me? I read the above quote this morning and thought… "I don’t live in a world filled with doubt and fear. I live in a world filled with surprises, possibility, and opportunities for growth." I would much rather hear from people something like "Wow, that’s a big project and a lot of work- let me know how I can help." I know these people are trying to be helpful, but mostly I just have to try to sift through those words to find what I can use- because it isn’t that. I will not be infused with self-doubt just so I can have a more predictable year. It’s just not my style. And then, despite those doubting words, each time I hear them I realize why I am right for the job. And that feels good.

Anyway, I just wanted to rant about that. So that happened this morning, and today is my day with all 4 kids, which can be really crazy. But I just decided to stay positive and to just DO. And guess what? I’m sitting here writing, I’ve got a luscious dinner going in the crock for everyone later (which I’ll tell you more about on Wednesday), a clean kitchen, laundry going, diapers put away, mopped the kitchen floor (!), and everyone is happy and fed. I mean, I don’t always have the power to keep things running smoothly, but I’m betting I do more often than I think. It’s so much about what part I choose to play, you know?