Well, the time has come to be a grown up.

Posted On December 22, 2004

That’s an interesting concept. We are what we are- always, except people have this idea of what a “grown up” is. Like friends, i guess. We have universal labels for things that are entirely unique. Language is funny like that. It is really the only way we know how to get even close to communicating a feeling. But you never really know if it gets across. You just hope that a nod of the head, or a smile means “oh, I understand how you are and what you’re feeling”.
Language is perhaps the one thing we have in common with anyone. I don’t know if i really believe that, but what else can I know for sure? Like if you see a blue for the word “red”, and another person sees green for the word “red” but “red” exists without their perception, how will one ever know the truth? Or more specifically, how will one ever know what the other sees. That is what we hope for when we speak. That someone can see what you see. But it’s all just faith, so that’s kind of beautiful by itself.
I guess to follow up with the friend situation, there’s really no solid answer. I don’t know what to do. I just know that we’re not really friends anymore. And that is sad to me. So, I need to stop worrying about what to do, and think more about a daily “what to do to take care of me” kind of thing. If she conflicts with my progress, then that’s something.
I have always been a believer in forgiveness. Forgive someone even if you’re still mad, because forgiveness has nothing to do with how you feel and everything to do with active love towards someone else. That means that forgiveness doesn’t have to mean that everything is ok, it just means that you have wiped the slate clean(meaning judgement is no longer an option). It seems like my relationship with this person has been based on forgetting. But the problem is, I didn’t forget it. Problems didn’t go away. I need to focus on forgiving her. And myself. We are equal in this. But the question remains: Is this ok, or healthy even? I don’t think so.
Well, maybe I just “grew up” a little. If being realistic and honest is being a grown up, then perhaps I’m on the path. Bummer.
Affirmation…pulling card….
(aww crap, they are always really crazy and right)
[spirit]
I CREATE PARTNERSHIPS THAT ARE FAIR AND PLEASURABLE.

Use this gift when you are lonely or when existing relationships are unsatisfying. Partners you bring into your life are manifestations of your own needs for growth and completion. If your relationships are aggressive and defensive, you will manifest that in your daily life- try to focus on being open and receptive instead.