Wednesday food post: Food as a Healer (Part 1)
I’ve been thinking about food and all its healing properties. It brings people together- bonding them in a really simple, tangible way. It can provide you with the strength you need to conquer illness (let’s hear it for chicken soup!). It can help prevent illness and build your immune system, and there are herbs that can make powerful medicines, etc. It’s pretty amazing stuff. I’ve been reading articles lately about people who have used food/supplements to cure their own cancer and other diseases- and I believe it. I think the healing power of food is somewhat untapped and overlooked. I’m sure there’s so much more to discover.
I started thinking about the ways in which food has healed me, and I could think of one really concrete example. For about 4 years (in high school and just after) I struggled with an eating disorder. I won’t go into the details, but it was all-consuming at times, and I wondered if I would ever be able to free myself of it. I had friends who also suffered from similar issues and we fed on each others’ dysfunction, often unknowingly. I think there are many things that contribute to that kind of illness- poor body image, control issues, the media, abuse, the list goes on and on. However, I know that shortly after I fell in love with Jeff, I started to notice some relief from my problems. I haven’t had a resurgence of the actual active disorder in over 4 years, and mentally I feel like I’ve been free from it for ages. Those relentless thoughts don’t even visit me anymore- and haven’t for a few years. I’m incredibly grateful for the freedom from it.
I’m sure there are many factors that contribute to my present health. I think that the end of my adolescence was a big part of it, and just growing maturity in general. However, I noticed that there was a definite correlation between my growing intimacy with the food that I ate and my return to health. I can think of four specific things that were really healing to me:
Humility. I think the early days of my relationship with Jeff were really healing. He helped me to see that I had been thinking of myself in a very selfish way. I remember walking with him one day and he was angry with me. I forget exactly what he said, but it was along the lines of "Who are you to not take care of yourself? I need you to be healthy and love yourself because I love you. Loving yourself is a way to love me back." WHAM. That kind of thinking hadn’t entered my mind before- having a good relationship with your food and nourishing your body is not all about whoever is consuming it. It’s about so much more. It’s about the people that care for you, the people that you need to care for, the planet and all its needs… my eating is not all about me.
Good nutrition. I started to just "walk the walk" and do what I could to get better. I ate my food slowly, tasting it fully, working to appreciate it and to re-learn what it meant to be satiated. I started doing more research, and I returned to a diet that was ignorant of calories and more focused on nutrients and good fats (and of course, love of flavor and all the amazing gifts that food has given us). I think this actually started improving my mental health. My mind was less apt to return to unhealthy thoughts because I was giving it all that it needed to function properly. I had more energy, was less prone to emotional ups and downs and anxiety, less prone to cravings and unsatisfied nutritional needs, and was generally in a better mental state. I really believe that feeding my body more fat was one of the biggest factors in this- and also cutting out most of the empty refined foods.
Gratitude. I began to see that food was not something to be taken for granted. This is an ongoing process for me, and continues to bring me to new and better places. Food is a gift of the earth. Growing a relationship with food- tasting it at its freshest and experiencing its beauty, giving it your time and energy- it was in many ways a spiritual transformation for me. The more respect I have for what I eat, the healthier I am, and the healthier the planet is. How cool is that? It was as if I had tapped into this spiritual goldmine- finally understanding a bit about the exchange of energy and life that we so easily take for granted with our modern way of eating. It’s very sad to me that most people don’t experience this, as I see it as a birth right in many respects. I think the gratitude that I feel for my food- and now life in general- has been the most healing of all of these things. It keeps me focused on my blessings and not on my insecurities or my fears. It helps to keep me sane.
The Design of Life. A few years ago my friend was talking about breastfeeding (rights, cultural taboos, the countless benefits for mothers and babies, etc.) and she used a phrase that has stuck in my head ever since. She said that breastfeeding was part of the "design of life" and talked about its inherent value in that light. This really resonated with me. I found myself really meditating on this, and it just bled into so many other areas of thought. Basically, in the context of my struggle with food, I learned that there was nothing wrong with my body. We are all beautifully designed. The food the earth provides is beautifully designed. The way water collects into clouds and is rained down, filtering through the soil and purifying it. Amazing. Mostly, I realized that deviation from this design (and I’m not arguing that creativity and innovation is bad, just the obvious toxification and living outside of our means- ignorant of what sustains us) causes a lot of the suffering that we experience today. I saw that much of my illness came from being saturated in a destructive and detached culture that allowed me the "luxury" of that kind of dysfunction. Returning (in some ways) to the design of life helped me to realize my own true design- part of which is to really value my own health and the health of those around me.
Another thing that I’ve noticed: Since having Vera and feeding her every day, I find that I have some really interesting instincts when it comes to her eating. When she eats something that I know is really good for her, I get really proud… like, mama bear proud. When she asks for some lacto-fermented pickles or sauerkraut, or prefers the main course over her dessert… I just feel really good. On the other hand, when someone feeds her junk, I’ll feel a bit defensive. Or like when she was younger, I really didn’t want her to have cow’s milk (even raw) and I wasn’t able to explain it because based on the books she was definitely old enough for it. It just made me squirm to think of it. And then one day, that instinct gave way, and I gave her a glass and felt totally secure about it. So strange! Although, I trusted myself in this way and am truly rewarded with one of the least picky toddlers I’ve ever seen. She’s got a great appetite and eats basically everything that we do. I see no evidence of allergies, either. She’s strong and rarely sick (beyond the sniffles) and has never had any infections or need for antibiotics. I don’t know if this is diet related for sure, but I think it has something to do with it (that, and she ate a lot of dirt last summer… haha).
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Anyway, I’m interested in the ways in which food and your relationship to it has healed (or is healing) you or others. Please, feel free to contribute your thoughts on this.
Also, if you’re thinking that I don’t know that today is actually Thursday… well, I know. Woops!
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I’ve had kind of a messed-up relationship with food. Like most women in our culture, I was not immune to the “food is the enemy, and if you have control of yourself, you do not eat and are skinny” messages. But I have also been a comfort eater for a long time, who has a lot of carbohydrate and refined food cravings. I turned to food when no one was there for me. I’ve also struggled with my weight because of having PCOS. That combined with the comfort eating made me hate myself before long. It got to the point where I felt guilty every time I ate, food was the enemy, and food was an evil temptress. I would also routinely tell myself I would ban certain foods and never eat them again. All of these factors just made me go on binge-eating benders and turned me into a yo-yo dieter. If I didn’t have a fear of throwing up, I probably would have become bulimic because of the binges. Instead, after one, I just felt really bad and could practically feel myself gaining 300 pounds because I had “sinned.”
I’ve been in therapy and doing reading, and I am trying to adhere to the attitude that “there is no unhealthy food, just unhealthy attitudes toward food.” Of course, you don’t want to live on junk food, but I tell myself that occasionally wanting it does not make me a bad, weak, worthless person who’s completely out of control. And ever since I stopped trying to make myself go hungry until I got so hungry I binged and ban foods and give myself so much negative self-talk, I have been eating quite a bit healthier, and binges are becoming more of a thing of the past. I just tell myself that food is not the enemy. I’m still not skinny, and I still have a very bad body image, so I’m probably years away from self-acceptance in that respect.
It’s really good that you are aware of yourself in this way- so many women spend most of their lives thinking of food as an enemy. So horrible! You sound like you are on a really good path. Keep it up!
I will say (and I hope I’m not too much of a kill-joy) that I do believe that there is very unhealthy food that should really be avoided. Of course you having a treat is fine- but I generally think that if a person is having cravings regularly then there are deficiencies that need dealing with. Plus, having almost positively dealt with nutrient deficiencies and experienced lots of cravings in the past, I’m now virtually free of them- except for the occasional “Wow, a burger sounds really good tonight for dinner!” Anyway, having been through it, I can’t tell you what a relief it is to be able to not have that inner war all the time, to only really desire food that I know is good for me, and to recognize when my body needs a detox or is lacking in something. Hopefully we can help each other continue to improve!
Are you thinking of things like cake and candy and potato chips? What’s interesting is that when I tell myself I should never have them, it’s all I can think about and I I binge on them, but I don’t think about them or want them as much when I’m not banning them. It’s been a really tricky struggle.
I assume that the PCOS is why I have such strong cravings, and have for most of my life. I’ve been told that having much huger cravings for sugar and carbs than a normal person has is a symptom, which is probably part of the reason many PCOS’ers are obese. But it’s also possible that I have a deficiency, but I don’t know if I have any way of knowing what the deficiency is. How might I find out?
I wrote a whole reply to this and it was deleted because my thumb hit something! AAAARRRG! I’ll just write it all in that message I’ll send. 🙂
I grew up in Missouri with my grandpa and grandma, she used real food products to make everything, most of what she made was from scratch, was prepared at home and set at our kitchen table hot and wonderful every day. We always had a garden and chickens. I used to watch “Mom” can tomatos and make pickles, and even process chickens for our freezer. We had out door barbeques in a large old roaster. We had pic-nics out for the day at a local river where we swam. I loved those experiences. Even still I was a skinny little thing and often had very little appetite. Though looking back now these things are very different form how most people grew up. We definitely had a very small farm. My favorite thoughts are of the outdoors and plucking small carrots from our garden when I wasn’t supposed to 🙂
I very much want to give this to my own children as soon as I can. I think more than just a love of food and nature it was one thing that made home feel so cozy and important.
One more funny story
As a teen I had a male friend who asked to take me out to eat and I remember feeling very nervous, not because I was out with a friend but because I didn’t have a clue what to choose to eat or how expensive it might be. I had never been inside a Wendy’s and I was 17! We rarely went out to eat at all I think we might have gone through the McD’s drive thru and that was it when I was a kid. 🙂
That sounds so nice. You were really fortunate to have that kind of background. I really am looking forward to the day when it’s right for us to live on more land. I’d love to hear more stories of your life in Missouri- I loved the one you told about the clouds. 🙂
Also, how amazing that you never really had fast food as a kid! Vera has never had it and if I can help it she never will… who knows though. But anyway, how did the date go? Do you remember what you ordered?
I deleted my other post here, I really thought it was too long also with the other one. Hope you don’t mind. 🙂
Aw, you didn’t have to do that! I liked what you had to say. As for it being too long… haha! Have you seen my writing lately? Feel free to write as much as you like here. 🙂
I find I’m very aware of what we are giving Ben in terms of ‘solid’ foods. I want the fruits and veg that we introduce to him to have solid nutrition and to really help him taste what real food can be like. I’ve become much more vigilant about organic produce and have a handy sheet of the best/worst produce in terms of pesticide and herbicide use.
We’ve always relied on cooking from scratch and I find if I eat processed/fast food I feel yucky. Not sure if it’s from the high amount of bad fat or just preservative nastiness, but we don’t do it very often!
I’ve been super interested in making our own breads but have not found the time to really invest in doing it. I suppose one day I’ll just have to take the plunge, huh?
Isn’t it fascinating, those mama/food instincts?
I was talking with a friend about feeling bad after eating crap now (wondering if I had somehow weakened myself or something), and came to the conclusion that my tolerance is just lower and I’m more perceptive. So that’s good!
I’m experimenting with a sourdough that’s really low-maintenance. If I figure it out then I’ll give you a starter, if you want!
Feeling gross after eating fast food is a concept I definitely get! I think that a person really has to work up to being able to deal with those bad fats and preservatives and ‘toxins’ WITHOUT feeling crappy. I read somewhere about the guy who did the ‘Supersize Me’ movie and how ill he felt at the very beginning and the detox he had to go through afterward. It was a physical addiction, which is really gross to think about.
Sourdough bread sounds yummy! Is it like the Amish Friendship bread starter thingy? We’ve had that before and while it was great, I found the dough to be really sweet and only good for making breakfast-y breads and muffins and things. We tried pizza dough with it once and it was just ok.
Yeah, it’s sort of the same idea, except it just makes a basic bread (and you can make anything from pizza dough to pita bread to pancakes!). It’s also better for you than regular bread. The wild yeasts and bacteria that help it to rise are way better for you than the commercial yeasts you would make other bread with, and sourdough also neutralizes any anti-nutrients, doesn’t spike your blood sugar like other breads, and reduces gluten content so that it’s more safe for people with wheat allergies. It’s pretty cool!
After Merritt was born, and I was depressed, people told me I had to options: put him in daycare and return to school (on the assumption that depression was caused by “being too intelligent to stay home with a baby”) or take antidepressants. I found that eating real food was the third option. I suppose I could say that eating real food allowed me to heal from the depression, although I tend not to say that because I know that the depression is just one chocolate bar away. If I eat junk, it will return.
Probably bad food affected me all my life. It made me foggy brained at times, and grumpy at other times. I didn’t realize how much clearer I think and how much happier I could be, until I was off of the sugar and white flour. Now I tend to suspect that half the population probably lives in the same sugar-induced daze I used to live in, but they don’t know or believe it because to them its normal.
I believe that if we eat fake food we end up needing to live fake lives. Eating real food not only allows us to feed our brains properly, but somehow, for me at least, the connection with the food ends up becoming a compass, orienting me towards other connections… connections with those who produced the food, with the cultures that developped the recipes and tastes, etc.
Thanks for this comment. This is so interesting- and I really think you’re right. I really wonder how much illness (physical, mental, and spiritual) could be healed through real, good food. So sad that it could be that simple. Anyway, I think it’s wonderful that you were able to find it and feel better. I think it’s wonderful for both of us!
I can’t say that a have a wholesome, organic diet, however I am interested in eating things that are good for me. To be honest, I think even more about what’s bad for me.
That article on fats is an eye-opener. I probably haven’t mentioned this in my journal but I watch what I eat even though I’m naturally underweight and probably don’t have enough fat in my diet. It sounds bad but it’s not really a weight thing –heart disease runs in my family and I suffer a lot of anxiety about it so I guess, in a negative way, that is an incentive to eat a little more healthily. I think I have a powerful imagination when it comes to the effect that food has on my body – i.e. if I think I’m having too much salt or meat I stress out about it and I’m prone to having chest pains; but, for instance, if I eat a lot of fruit instead of reaching more a more stodgy snack then I feel cleansed. I don’t know what that means – can it really be that simple and have such immediate effects, or do I just have a slight disorder? It’s strange, I’m kind of obsessed with food. I have random cravings very frequently. I really enjoy eating, but it’s also one of the biggest sources of worry in my life. Not really sure what to make of it.
Anyway… I think if I was a little more confident in the kitchen and garden, I’d try different things. I admire many things about your lifestyle but for some reason I just don’t feel like I can do certain things. Having a partner who doesn’t remotely care about anything like that doesn’t help. Maybe I’ll just take baby steps, try making little changes here and there, and be more adventurous.
Sorry if this comment was a little too personal, but my diet is something I think about a lot and although this may not quite fit in with what you’ve written, I thought I might as well share it 🙂
I love that you shared! Please feel free anytime.
I think baby steps is the right way to go! That’s what I’ve done (okay, and sometimes I leap a little, too), and I just keep ending up somewhere new.
I think the research that I did (that included things like the article on fats I posted) was really helpful in easing my mind of the worries you mention. I mean, I still think about food all the time, but in a different sort of context. I feel like I know what’s good for me and what is definitely not. I know why some foods tire me out and others give me more energy. And, thankfully, it doesn’t mean that I’m confined to a diet of celery and chicken breast and skim milk or something like the nutritionists would have you believe. I eat lots of butter and use nothing but whole dairy. I focus on whole foods, and I don’t worry about calories or fat or salt- I do worry about preservatives and processing methods, bad oils and GMOs (these and other components of a modern diet are what I believe is causing all the heart disease and many other illnesses). It means I don’t eat very much from a box, and also that I don’t eat much that’s not organic. It’s not like it’s totally stress free, but it is a method that I prefer because I don’t deal with cravings very often (and when I do they are often cravings for something good for me), and my mental health and energy are better than they were. It’s a trade off, but overall I’m just better for it.
Anyway, I think the thing you mentioned about feeling cleansed is really nice, and I can totally relate. I remember first having dinner at this woman’s house (who is/was kind of a food role model for me) and it was a really lovely meal. I left feeling just full, not overfull or unsatisfied, and didn’t crave anything afterwards. It was so immediate that I knew that my body could tell the difference between food that was nourishing and food that wasn’t.
Anyway, I’m definitely interested in your journey. 🙂