Time for cookies!
I’m just gonna update all day today…
It’s pouring out right now, and almost 60 degrees. Strange after the 10 inches of snow we just had. I hate that we are killing the planet.
My paid account is running up in a few days. I don’t want to lose all my pictures in all my old entries, but I think I might if I don’t renew. Does anyone know for certain what happens when a paid account reverts back to what it was? I don’t really care about the scrapbook, or having to upload pics first into something like Flickr or whatever, but will they all disappear from my entries? I’m afraid that if they do then I’ll feel forced to have to pay for forever. I love looking over old entries and pictures when I get in the mood.
Jeff and I had a really good talk last night. We talked about how strange it feels to anticipate the unexpected. He said for some reason getting married was not as scary as becoming a parent- he felt like with us it was a new beginning, and with this baby it’s the end of a chapter of his life. He said he knows they are sort of the same kind of life change, but with marriage he got to know me and “test me out” etc. With a baby you just… are this person’s parent forever. We will always be parents now. He talked about he mourns his loss of freedom and opportunity, but knows that we can still do things we wanted to, we just may have to wait longer. He told me he’s happy we are young, and he looks forward to middle age with me with grown children- maybe we can go backpacking around the world with all the money we’ve saved… oh and we will save. He said he knows we’ll have a blast. He said he’s excited.
I’m so glad that we talk like that. I think that’s what will keep us together- the practice of open and honest communication. While of course I would love it if Jeff were completely confident and worry-free about this whole situation, I know that it’s not possible. Hell, I’m pretty scared myself. I really appreciate being able to have a truly safe and intimate partner in this way. I know that I can tell him the truth and he will take it for what it is. I only hope he feels I do the same. No ulterior motives, just a partnership. I love him so much, and I’m so glad that we are a family together. For a while it was hard for me to imagine anyone but my parents and siblings as my family, but it’s not hard at all to see him as just as much a part of me as they ever were. I am fantastically in love with him.
We have this hanging in our bedroom- It’s by Brian Andreas.
Awakening:
“In those days, we finally chose to walk like giants
& hold the world in arms grown strong with love
& there may be many things we forget in the days to come,
but this will not be one of them.”
Last note on baby stuff. I had the strangest and most obvious realization yesterday. I thought all of the sudden- there’s only one way for this baby to come out. Is there no other way? No. The path has been set.
It’s intense. I laughed at myself.
Today he’s moving a bunch of stuff from my grandparent’s house today with my brother. They are moving to an apartment and the house that my grandpa built himself is sold. At least it’s sold to a neighbor who they seem to think will appreciate the house for what it is. We will all really miss that place, so today I sent my camera with Jeff to take pictures of it. I feel sort of strange without it. My grandma is making them all sloppy joes. haha. I love it.
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My cousin gave these to me for Christmas. They are just bulbs that sit on top of rocks. You just keep water up to the bottom of them, and then they “get beautiful” as she says. I’m liking them already.
Jan 7th:
I had this calendar full of mandalas made from natural things- flower petals, stones, etc. I cut them all out and want to hang them around my house. They are so beautiful to me.
Jan 8th:
My grandparents in front of their house.
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My paid account ran out and the only thing that truly was affected the userpics. My scrapbook remains the same and I can still use it as much as before.
I think they just switched me over to a ‘plus’ account, which puts advertisement on the LJ but you keep most of your paid features.
Do you think they just forgot or what? Cuz I would be really sad if my pictures just went away. I guess I’ll just wait and see…
No, your account will change to a plus account which keeps the scrapbook functionality.
Funny thing
“Last note on baby stuff. I had the strangest and most obvious realization yesterday. I thought all of the sudden- there’s only one way for this baby to come out. Is there no other way? No. The path has been set.
It’s intense. I laughed at myself.
“Today he’s moving a bunch of stuff from my grandparent’s house today with my brother.”
WHen I first read this, I thought you meant that the baby was moving stuff out of your grandparent’s house. It was a fun image. 🙂
Re: Funny thing
Haha I should’ve said Jeff. But I’m sure my baby is tough enough to hack it out there…
I *love* that wall hanging 🙂
I kept getting the same realisations about how the baby would have to come out when I was pregnant. I’d also get moments of fear where I wanted to run away from giving birth and then realise that I’d only take my pregnant state with me. Odd how the mind works! 🙂
Yay! It’s actually just a picture, I wish it was a wall hanging. I mean, I guess it hangs on the wall… so basically you are right. haha. I have a bunch- I would love to send you one as a thank you for your gift! You are so sweet! My panic has subsided for now, and that is certainly worth a mandala! Send me a message with your address (if you want to, of course).
Also, yes, I have to laugh at myself all the time for all the obvious stuff that I feel like I have to emotionally re-learn in this life. Stuff I felt I knew all along but didn’t really know… I’m glad you can relate.
er wait… which one were you talking about? haha.
It’s ok we are both talking about the same picture and I have messaged you my address. That’s a really sweet offer, thank you 🙂 Glad you liked hte little gift, it’s only a small gesture but I really love reading your journal and you’ve said quite few things that have encouraged/inspired me over the past few months, so consider it a thank you.
Sometimes I’m surprised by the gap between what I rationally know as fact and what I emotionally know, if that makes sense?
That’s such a nice thing to say! It really was such an unexpected and awesome gift. I really like reading your journal too- I always wish you updated more- although I’m sure I’ll bite my tongue after I squeeze out my sprout.
That makes perfect sense and is exactly the feeling I’m talking about, only now perfectly worded. Hats off to you!
Your relationship with Jeff sounds beautiful. Honesty really is key.
That little picture and accompanying writing is very cute. Seems like you find a lot of lovely little things to have in your home.