Think of a theme…

Posted On March 31, 2007

I started to notice them when they were really big themes- love, family, friends, peace, etc. My life would take on these flavors for a week or so and teach me a couple lessons and fade away into normal life. Then I started to keep an eye out for them. It was as if each time I closed the book on one theme, another more specific theme would pop up. And so on… It was like reading your horoscope or something at the beginning of the week, thinking “well that makes no sense” and then at the end you realize it all really did… only without a horoscope.

Anyway, the theme I’ve been dealing with the past few days is- standards in relationships, do unto others as you would have them do unto you, holding yourself to the same standards as you require of others and vice versa, etc. This has been a profound one, and kind of emotionally taxing.

Many questions have arisen that I have yet to answer. For instance, what to do when others don’t treat you the way that you know you should be treated? What if certain friends are untrustworthy? What if there are people that require far more of me in the relationship than they do of themselves? What if I need to lessen my responsibility to some people? How do I graciously and lovingly create these boundaries when they weren’t there before? How do I lessen the drama around me without being insensitive? How can I distiguish between healthy and unhealthy relationships, interactions, drama, habits, etc.? How do I exile the bullshit?

I don’t think I can find an answer for all of these… it’s more of a process than that. But I do know that I am a consistency advocate because I know that it works, and I know that it will deliver in my life. I want to be a consistent person. I need to remember that I have a moral compass that guides my life in the direction of purpose and love. Because I know this I believe that I have the ability to stay honest, trustworthy, kind, and accountable. I won’t sacrifice it to stay comfortable, and I think that’s really where the stress has sprouted this week. It’s hard to think of ways that you need to improve, ways that you have been wrong in the past, ways that you may not have been honest with yourself. It’s hard, for me, to realize that I am worthy and valuable, and that sometimes I can’t always make everything better.

Phew.

In light of all of that, I’ve decided that I will celebrate all of the people around me. If I generate happiness and peace then I will see in more in my interactions. I am so loved, and I won’t waste what could be a life of celebration. Tomorrow I throw my sister and Obeth a blessing way. I have to get everything ready for it today, but I’m really looking forward to seeing everyone come together to support them. Things are good.

*for some reason I marked this private so it’s a day late… maybe I planned to edit it or something, but i can’t remember so OH WELL*