Sexism isn’t funny… mmkay?
I can't believe I actually feel compelled to write a blog post on this, but it's clear to me that it must be done.
Sexism is not funny. There. I said it.
It's real, it's relevant, it affects every woman I know. So why is it that we are the butt of so many jokes? Sexism in this culture is running rampant, and it dominates a lot of mainstream humor. My community is a fairly educated and PC group, all told. You'd never hear a racist joke, or a joke about sexual orientation… maybe religion, but only in certain crowds. But a joke about women? No problem! I hate to say it, but this is one area in which our culture needs to change. So often in my life, from the men I feel the safest around, I've heard jokes belittling and targeting women. Often the men telling the joke didn't even realize it, the sexism is that ingrained. When my sister or I spoke up in protest, we were brushed off as being big downers… so serious! Lighten up! It was assumed by these men that because they are such upstanding citizens- men who would never raise a hand against a woman, who are so conscientious in so many ways- that those jokes should get a pass. Well here, let's get this on the record: your jokes are still harmful. No really, they actually affect the way society treats women.
I could go on for a long time about exactly how it is that this sexism has negatively affected me and the women I love. All the times I felt uncomfortable with what was happening- knowing in my bones it all wasn't right. And yet, out of fear of rejection, the psychology of abuse, or simply not having the knowledge of how to string the words together to protest it all… I took it. We all have at some point. Sexism is so woven into this culture- rest assured, it is alive and well. So, that being said, why ever would we joke about such a thing? Why would we encourage the use of humor that clearly degrades women through misrepresentations, the objectification of women's bodies, stereotypes, etc.- especially when such things are not far fetched in the slightest. In fact, ALL of the women I know have been victims of such prejudice at one time or another. Again, I feel silly even having to spell this out for people. IT'S NOT FUNNY.
One of the things that I think has a part to play in this is the notion that we are taking this all a little too seriously. I found this video to be really enlightening:
We all have to do our part to stop this, and the very least we can do is not make light of those issues that are very real to so many of us. In simplest terms- this is not really up for debate. It's simply not funny. Just like, say, the Holocaust wouldn't exactly be the best subject to joke about in front of anyone Jewish (or anyone, but you see my point), jokes that encourage the oppression of women or could possibly desensitize people to the very real issues that women face daily are just not appropriate. It's truly a testament to how far we have to go. Appropriate responses to such jokes should be jaws agape, disgusted looks, etc. If you still don't understand this, just take my word for it. If you are a man, you have an opportunity to learn and to validate and to care for the women you love by simply not accepting this as a form of good humor. What easier way could there be to combat sexism than just simply take the issue seriously?
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Right on. So many people think sexist humor is harmless, when it can actually be a really powerful tool for making women shut up. If you object, you become one of those awful feminists with no sense of humor, and if you don’t object, then the jokes go unchallenged and everyone is free to go on believing that this sort of humor is harmless. It’s really one of the more insidious ways that sexism operates in our culture.
Yes yes! I’m really realizing all the ways I’ve pushed down my instincts in favor of being accepted by the culture. Not worth it when there’s so much at stake.
When my sister or I spoke up in protest, we were brushed off as being big downers… so serious! Lighten up! : “even today the word [gaslighting] is used to describe an attempt to destroy another’s perception of reality”, such as telling someone they are just being over sensitive when they are offended by legitimately offensive things.
Sexism has been a big pet project for me lately. Something set me off a few months ago that’s made me start noticing more of a lot of societally-ingrained sexism and calling it out. I feel guilty when I laugh at sexist jokes (the period ones are the worst) because I know that finding them funny is what perpetuates the problem–and the stereotype.
Exactly! I’m just learning about gaslighting… it’s super creepy and tricky. Yeah, I agree, we have to take this stuff more seriously if we’re really going to do our parts to stop it. It’s a form of activism, really. 🙂
that was a wonderful video, thank you so much for sharing 🙂
I am going to have to watch her whole series now! 🙂 Thanks for sharing the video! I especially like the end where the grandmother or whoever on that show spells out exactly what “feminism” means. I am forever that person, calling people out for not knowing the definition of something they are misguidedly refusing to agree with.
I find a lot of men (and by all means not all!) who make sexist jokes either A) are totally unaware of how their words may affect others or B) won’t take sexism seriously because “omg it’s not that big of a deal. (Which i’d love to think is some form of denial…but it’s probably just some creepy misogynistic thought process.) or C)they straight up believe that shit on some conscious or unconscious level. And I’m not sure which is worse!! Anyways, yes! sexist humor is Not Funny! Don’t even get me started on how rape jokes are Not Funny!
i am so tired of rape jokes, and i just feel so trapped as to what to do about it. 🙁
It’s definitely a hard one to not feel trapped about. I know for myself it’s a lot easier to point out to people why what their saying is Not Okay online, because I can provide several links about why what they are saying is perpetuating rape culture and how it affects people on the daily. This is probs one of the best rape culture explanations I know of and one I frequently link people to it. http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2009/10/rape-culture-101.html
Great clip.
ian and i have debated this for years. we both have a pretty inappropriate sense of humor where almost nothing is off limits. case in point — i’m jewish, my grandparents all fought in WW II and my uncle was born in a concentration camp. i think i have a pretty strong personal connection to the holocaust. that said, i do find holocaust jokes funny. sexual orientation, racism, and sexism are punchlines for a lot of jokes amongst my family and friends.
there’s this fantastic episode of iconoclast in which dave chappelle (whom i find hysterical) meets maya angelou (whom i respect greatly) and part of their discussion is how comedy bridges race and gender. it’s a truly compelling 20 minutes of TV. if you ever come across it, please watch it. i believe that using humor doesn’t perpetuate any -ism. sure, there is a right time and place and you must know your audience. in my circle of friends -ism jokes are at once a healing balm that helps us deal with everything that’s wrong with the world, and, on a lesser note, a laugh. taking sexism seriously and making sexist jokes are _not_ mutually exclusive.
also, i find the woman in the video to be off on her assessment of family guy. the peter-as-feminist episode is satire. it is not intended to be read in any other way and anyone who watches the show on a regular basis is likely to be aware of that.
I can kind of see your point. I always remember my dad (sober for 40 years now) always making what seemed like really awful sad jokes about addiction and stuff, but now I see that it was a pretty functional way to deal with the grief that comes with the sad reality that is addiction. You can’t sit around crying all the time! Humor has been a really helpful thing for them, I think. And so in that way I can see the use in more “inappropriate” humor.
However, I can’t accept that using humor doesn’t perpetuate any -ism. The study I stumbled across about how sexist jokes actually affected the way people behaved, I don’t know how we can separate the two. I mean, I am not above this humor. I laugh at jokes that, when it comes down to it, probably shouldn’t be laughed at. It’s all in the context of a very dysfunctional society. We’re all dysfunctional. And that’s who our audience is. Your crowd might be enjoying the jokes in a harmless way, but keep in mind that a lot of the audience is not harmless, especially given the rates of sexual abuse, etc. That’s a lot of people perpetuating this violence every day, and then going home and essentially seeing a culture that tolerates that thinking. It’s not worth it, IMO, because we actually have some agency here. We can create a culture that does not tolerate sexism/racism/etc. I’m willing to bet that if we did then those jokes would cease to be funny… at the very least it would be far less mainstream. So there’s a difference when you’re joking about something that you can’t do anything about- but what about when the tolerance of such humor actually helps to perpetuate a culture that we oppose?
i completely agree with you are saying. i don’t think i made it clear from my reply that i don’t believe humor perpetuates -isms when it’s used among family & friends who are aware of various social injustices plaguing the world. on a larger scale, the violence is perpetuated daily in various facets of our culture and the audience absorbing it is often unaware of the damage being done. i really should have been more thorough in my response.
i had to butt in…
if you believe in equal rights for women, you are a feminist. 🙂
“Feminism is a collection of movements aimed at defining, establishing, and defending equal political, economic, and social rights and equal opportunities for women.”
I agree with honeyrider, you are most definitely a feminist!
You were meant to blog. It has inspired me to start my own blog on barrie dentist
The Tropes vs. Women series is awesomesauce. I love that woman, she’s so perceptive.
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