Quickly…

Posted On January 1, 2009

I’m home! It’s a little chilly in here still, but I’m so relieved to be back in my house after about 50-some hours without power. We spent the first night at my parent’s house and the second at Jeff’s. It was actually pretty nice, it felt like a vacation considering all the work we were forced to leave here at home. We ate good food, read, watched a movie, had help with babies and some good conversation. With Christmas in the recent past, though, I’m just a little over-socialized. I think I also may have overdone it with the coffee just to keep up with it all. I’m just really happy to be home though, in all the crazy cold mess. 

I’m encountering a lot of negativity lately. I’m starting to feel really exhausted by it all and I’m not sure how to deal with it. I don’t mind a dose of reality- if people tell me something negative that is true, then I don’t really mind it. It has more to do with the negativity that comes with just a cynical and angry perspective. When people have a situation that they can do either A or B with, and they choose to distrust rather than trust, to be inactive rather than proactive, to be angry rather than humble, to place blame rather than forgive. It’s less the situation that we find ourselves in, more the reaction that I find to be so frustrating to watch.
I’m certainly not perfect here. I often find my mind circling an idea that enables my frustration and helps me put off real healing and action. I don’t think we’re always aware of this. I get it. I think it’s just grating on my nerves lately- to pay someone a compliment and hear them put themselves down in response, to hear someone take something personally that wasn’t even meant that way, but they just refuse to trust that. I mean, I just think we have choices here. We should not be slaves to our feelings, and sometimes it just takes a little humility to get to a place where we can make some real progress and have some real dialogue. I’ve felt clobbered lately by this stuff, and I feel like it’s more important now that I stick to my guns and head towards the light. Sometimes I wish it wasn’t useless to have a conversation with someone about these things. I think if real, honest, open, respectful dialogue were possible, then most of these issues would just evaporate. Alas, we can only fully deal with ourselves, so I’ll just keep working at trying to be more honest with myself. Hopefully that will make the difference. I apologize if this is ridiculously vague, I just feel like I have to get it off my chest. 

Tonight I’m praying that all my plants are OK, that I don’t have a terrible time falling asleep tonight due to the copious amounts of caffeine flowing through my system, and wishing everyone a very happy and hopeful start to the new year. Now to cuddle under a blanket for a movie and some hot tea (herbal, of course).

Happy New Year!

Quote of the day:
"Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives." -William James