Mmmhmm good.
Where to start… I’ve had a good couple of days. I’ve been thinking a lot about how being Vera’s mom is going to change me (for the better). Basically I keep thinking about all of the things that I want her to know about life- and that makes me reevaluate my own, and then I’m forced to improve or solidify something. For example, I was just thinking about how awful it would be if someday she felt like her body wasn’t attractive enough, or thin enough, or whatever. It would be awful because I know better. I have seen her from her start- she is perfect and miraculous, and I’m SURE of this. Ya know? I would KNOW that she was wrong about it. So in realizing that about my child and knowing what I should teach her about her self-image, I have to re-teach myself that stuff. I have to love myself as much as I love her, and believe those things about myself and my body so that I can really stand behind it all. That’s just an example, but lots of things have been popping up like that.
Sometimes I feel my old self slipping away- the insecurity, the selfishness, the anger, the codependency, the vanity, the self-destructiveness… I remember visiting Ma about 7 years ago (the woman I mentioned a while back who took me in, kinda psychic, gotta love her) and she told a friend and I to picture ourselves as babies. She told us to hold our hands out in front of us, cupped, and picture ourselves as tiny babies, good and small and helpless, and to promise to take care of them and to cherish their life. I remember that was a powerful moment for me because I was doing anything but that. I was smoking and drinking and drugging and just generally doing what I pleased with myself. I don’t regret any of my experiences, self-destructive as they might have been, because they taught me invaluable things, but I do sometimes revisit that moment and remember to try to care for myself in that way. Anyway, I’m learning.
Tuula. Chewing on a phone charger. While her mother and I watched and laughed. We’re sick. It reminds me of this picture. Bahaha. Don’t worry, it wasn’t plugged in.
March 29th:
My jewelry box.
March 30th:
Lindsay (aka pearlstreetdiva) came to visit for the weekend with her adorable sprout Eli. It was great to see them. Eli is SO sweet and kept giving Tuula and Vera hugs. He also really likes cleaning supplies… Lindsay lent me this pattern for a practice scarf (it has all these different pattern blocks on it) that I just started knitting. Hopefully I’ll be able to figure the pattern out. Either way, I’m excited to start knitting projects. Jeff really likes knit socks, and I just think hand-knit stuff is great. They make for good presents too!
Lindsay on the left, squishy Vera, and sweet Eli.
March 31st:
Ok, I’m going to start taking a picture of the view from my bedroom window in the morning. Maybe once a month or so, just so the progress can be seen. Tomorrow it’s April, which is a very springy month to me. Then MAY- which means planting!! Then things get really green and full. We plan to re-cover the awning (to the right) and hang plants, etc. We of course will be filling up the 3 raised beds with delicious vegetation- in addition to the 2 other beds to the side of the house. I plan to put up a clothes line right outside of the window. Oh, and in June the bright orange poppies will be blooming all along the left fence up to the shed. Man I’m ready for this stuff.
Bonus (for foodies):
Yesterday for breakfast I made corn grit pancakes with mushroom and sausage gravy. They were very satisfying and I felt that Paula Dean would have been proud. 
Quote of the day:
“We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” -Joseph Campbell
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Where do you find the quotes? They’re always great. And the food looks so good too. Mmm… sometimes your posts make me hungry.
I have a feeling that with you as a mother, Vera is going to grow up to be insightful, aware, secure in herself, and just generally lovely!
I really like this website for them (http://quotationspage.com) but a lot of times I just google search what I’m in the mood for and then “quotes” after it… haha. No real science to it. My dad also makes these cards and he includes quotes on them, I have quote books, it seems like they pop up everywhere.
That’s really sweet to say. I can only hope I do so well in raising her!
Oooo, that looks seriously yummy! I must try it.
Oh yes! Tell me how it was! Do you cook much?
Yes, I do cook much. And I cook much more when I’m not buried in school work.
I even started my own group recipe and food/cooking related review website but I’ve been too busy to post much new this year.
That is beautiful! I love it! I will totally try those recipes, they look delish. I will definitely check that website from time to time.
If you’re interested, you can join up and I’ll give you front page recipe posting rights. People that understand real food and cooking are always welcome.
I’d love to! I’m really just a rookie, but I’d love to be a part of the fun!
🙂
Some aunt you are.
It’s interesting what you were saying about Vera being beautiful. It makes me think that when I was a teenager, my parents weren’t saying I was beautiful just because they were my parents. They were saying it because they saw me from the perspective you see Vera.
I want to see this beautiful baby in real life!
Haha, well yeah, what can I say? Being an aunt is serious (and sometimes dangerously electrical) fun.
I’m sure your parents know how beautiful you are in a way that you may not be able to realize. Heavy stuff, no?
Yes! Only a few more months!
Re: Wow
Sure thing! I posted it today in the foodporn community- check it out, it’s got such good stuff on there!
I just used white flour, although I’m sure you can substitute something else if you wanted. Let me know how it turns out!
im off wed not tues. oops. free wednesday? i was out with mark and melissa tonight that i work with, and mark says he knows you and gretchen.
Yeah! Mark Lawrence? I’m guessing that’s who because I know he works there and that he’s with Melissa. haha. He is my friend from high school! I don’t know Melissa as well, but I like her a lot. Very cool 🙂
Anyway, I don’t know what the deal is for tomorrow. I think I’m free, but I’ll have to check with G. Got an email?
melissa is apprenticing with amanda topping this summer as her internship for her major in womens studies.
my email is rosadesal@gmail.com 🙂 gretchen might have my number still.
Just so long as Vera knows not to get as big as her mother, she’ll be okay. A life of obesity isn’t really much of a life at all.
*blink blink*
Are you saying… what I think you’re saying?
*chin quiver*
I think it’a REALLY important to reinforce positive body image in females starting at a very young age. So, bravo!
I agree. I just have a hard time thinking about how to do it… I think having no tv will probably help for a while. Anyway, any ideas?
you are amazing. in my mind, having a baby would be stressful, but in reading your journal, i feel like having a baby must be the most peaceful thing in the world…
(i love the picture of eli hugging the baby!)
Aw, you’re being too kind. I am starting to find out that I can make anything in my life feel good and relatively peaceful if I just take charge of my attitude and perspective and stay grateful about it. Anything can be hard if I make it hard. Similarly, anything can be a challenging learning experience if I make it that way. So, I’m stressed a lot, but I feel like I can’t let myself be unhappy when the alternative is simply happiness. When I was in labor people told me it was pain with a purpose- I was opening up for my baby. Now I’m realizing that all pain has purpose, and that is totally relieving.