I like Sundays!
Jeff and I went to bed irritated at each other last night (it’s never really a "fight" anymore, just communication glitches it seems). In the early early dark morning, I got up to pee and when I climbed back in bed he held me close we said we were sorry. We decided to make it an "Our Sorry French Toast" kind of morning, and it’s been just the ticket. It’s impossible for us to always see each other fully. We’ve got our egos, our stress, our unfulfilled needs, etc., that hinder our ability to be patient and open with each other all the time. I’m just so grateful that we’ve got the ability and willingness to work on it, because our purpose together is clear. We are together to help each other grow and to keep each other safe in love. The rest just seems like fine print.
—
This pregnancy has brought up some new issues for me that I’m only starting to identify. I’m feeling some new anxiety, and a resurgence of some old anxiety. Mostly I think it comes down to ironing out my values and really thinking about how to raise these kids. With Vera I focused so intently on pregnancy and birth, and then I was a new mama- which had it’s challenges, but her needs were fairly simple for a while. I have grown with her so much, and I’m sure it will be the same this time around. However, now that I do have a two year old, it’s shaping up to be so much more than just a new baby. I’ve got a better idea of how much spiritual change takes place while dealing with this unique and precious relationship– one that I am really taking seriously. The addition of this new baby, along with Vera being so much more autonomous and herself, has brought about new thoughts and stresses for me that I didn’t anticipate. This is a good thing, I’m sure of it, but I do feel like I have to do some soul-searching and talking about it in order to healthily prepare for our new addition.
Some of the more specific things that I’m thinking about are my own personal quirks (some good, some that need attention and healing), my environmental/spiritual convictions that are starting to require some more action and follow-through, and also working to figure out thoughts on my role as a parent. I guess it’s hard to explain, these wheels have just started turning. Basically, I just want to be a really healthy person and parent. I’m working it out. I’ll probably always be working it out.
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Today we also all went to the library and I got some books on building/keeping a greenhouse, and also one on shade gardens (I’m going to totally garden up my front yard). I’m very excited about this stuff! Vera got some Curious George and Beatrix Potter. Then we went to the park with my sister and her kiddos. Vera thinks the park is the most awesome place ever, right now. She loves the swings, she loves the slide, she loves it all. The scratch on her nose is from flinging herself off of a chair onto cement. My girl. Always scratched and bumped and dirt-streaked…
Sweet Tuula.
Family!
MAX! He’s such a happy sweet beautiful little guy… I can’t believe he’s almost six months already.
Pretending. I love the cute cloth diapers sticking out of each of their pants… 
That’s all. Just a nice SPRING day. Happy spring everyone!
Quote of the day:
"Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love." (Kahlil Gibran, On Love)
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Your 1st paragraph COMPLETELY sums up what Jake and I have been going through recently. Just… clashing egos and different personal views and… I’m going to read it to him and hopefully we can work through our separate issues to come together happier than before. Glad you and Jeff had french toast make-up! š
Yeah, it’s really impossible to be able to communicate perfectly- and I think that I got a big advantage once I realized that and was able to say “Hey, we’re not communicating well…” and could come to some other route for peace making and understanding. I hope you two are able to cross that barrier soon!
Looooove the pictures!
Always remember, the fact that you recognize your needs and have the ability (and support) to talk out your soul searching means you’re already on the road to happy healthy living/parenting.
Love your sisters sling! What type is it/where did she get it?
Thanks. It’s always encouraging to hear that it’s okay to be on a path and trusting a process, and that it is most of what the road to health is about. I forget it so much! š
I’m not sure what it is! She raves about it though… G? Are you reading? What kind of sling is it?
It’s an old weave Girasol wrap, and I’m pretty sure it’s a size 4. I’ve got him wrapped in a reinforced rucksack carry. Borrowed it from a friend, but I’m pretty sure they got it on http://www.thebabywearer.com. You can’t buy this weave new anymore, as far as I know, but you can find someone else selling theirs!
Thanks! While the weave is beautiful I mostly just wanted to know what kind/brand/whatever it was. I’m on the hunt for the perfect woven wrap. š
I love this post. I love the make up french toast! We have times like that in our marriage too. It’s always nice to value the person more than the problem and that really is what it comes down to. It’s ok to be different and even to find compromise but the one you love is still the priority š
I love the cloth diapers too very cute! I hope to get a bunch for the next baby soon š
Thanks. It’s so normalizing to hear that we are just like other couples- just doing our best to love each other and our kids. š
Yay cloth diapers! Do you know what you’re getting?
there is a shop in Ithica NY called mama goose and there is a lady who makes One size PUL covered diapers for sale. I am hoping to get a gift certificate because they are $13 each! I have two “mother ease” one size diapers that require covers sepreately that I am using at night for Jabin, and I have one PUL diaper with the pocket and soaker cloth. I love it! I think the PUL ones are way easier! I think that for a short while I would still use disposables at night for the new baby and try to keep up with cloth during the day. I’d like to have a dozen but we’ll see š
on a different subject, what do you think of infant potty training? I have considered it but I am not sure when/where to start and if that would mean I am tied to the house or not š
Here is an article if you want to read it.
http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/articles/general-view/archive/2008/october/14/baby-potty-training/
I’m actually pretty interested in it! I’ve heard it called “Elimination communication”. Here are some links. I’ll be sure to share my research with you over the next couple of months- I don’t know very much about it yet. Will you send me any info you come across?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elimination_communication
http://www.freewebs.com/freetoec/
I think I will definitely wait to try it out for a few weeks and really consider if it’s worth while. The link I posted mostly focuses on EC for poop to begin with. I have come across other sites and read up on when others began and the age of the “infant” varries. I have read that you should place them on an abosrbant matt on the floor and observe then use your “pee” word when they notice thay have gone. So that would be for an older 3-6 month infant…however I think cloth diapers do a similar thing and baby wearing is supposed to also help…there is so much information to sort through. I think the trick is to learn what works for you. I am just hoping that my third baby wont be too hard to train…jabin is very stubborn and I don’t now how to get her to just use the potty!!!
It’s great that you take the time to consider your actions both as a mother and as a partner. So many people don’t.
Thank you! Nice to have you as a friend. I love to read your wife’s journal, which is how I found you. You take great photos and have a lovely family. š
Mmm, French toast–I doubt there’s a better way to make up.
I just wanted to say: I love you, I love your daughter, I love your sister’s family, and I can’t wait to meet the latest.
A big fat smooch from all of us. We love you right back!!!
Oh thank you for these photos!! I think the one of Tuula, me & kids, & Max smiling will make a PERFECT series of three photos if I get the right frame. YAY!
And thanks also for your summing up of your and Jeff’s purpose together: to help each other grow and to keep each other safe in love. Great reminder when things feel complicated…and that is also a purpose that really allows for each partner to be fully themselves, with all their differences. I’d like to embroider it on something :). Or block print it. Oh man, you are inspiring all sorts of artistic yummy ideas in me today!!!
Oooh… block print of our purpose… it’s coming into view!
I am so glad those photos are ones that you’ll use! To be fair, you guys are all stunningly beautiful. Oh- what’s that wrap you have? Where’d you get it?
Sweet photos! The one of your sister and her children is quite heart-warming.
I like your statement on what you and Jeff are together and what you can do for one another. I think I needed to hear something like that. Things can get hard sometimes.
Thanks! I felt lucky to get that picture of them… kids don’t always cooperate!
I’m glad that was helpful. How are you and Ste?