High class problems… or… No accounting for taste?
Jeff and I got up early this morning with the kids. Jeff expressed his desire on this Father's Day to just go out to the land and work on hooking up the rain barrels before we have a whole day of family stuff to do. What a guy! As he was loading up the truck to go out there, a woman walking stopped across the street to ask what the straw bales are all about. Jeff enthusiastically explained that they are an experiment- a way for us to grow food on that strip of land between the sidewalk and the street without having to compete with the maple roots, etc. She said that she didn't see anything planted in them, and so Jeff pointed out the broccoli and the squash, and told her we still have a few more to plant. Then she said something that sounded to Jeff like "They look awesome!" and so he replied "Thanks!!"
(This picture is from back in early spring. I'll take an updated one soon.)
But that's not what she said. She corrected him and said "They look absolutely TERRIBLE." So he responded, "Well, it's not really about the aesthetic, it's about growing food." She replied "Well, the rest of us have to look at it." He shrugged and told her he was sorry to hear that.
What is this? What kind of a world do we live in where people get their panties in a wad over some straw bales on someone else's yard, and yet don't complain about the amazing amount of other much more pressing (and ugly) shit that's going on in the world? Her feeling is not a surprise to me. I've seen many inquisitive looks and a few disapproving smirks. But, the fact that someone went out of their way to find out about them and what we're doing and then wanted to impose her point of view. I thought a little bit about what she wanted to accomplish with her words. Perhaps she wanted to sell us on the idea that the pleasantness of her walk (which is apparently dependent on the appearance of her neighbors' yards) trumps our desire to be self-sufficient? Not gonna win us on that one. Perhaps she's just a very unhappy person. I mean, I hate to draw such conclusions, but when you're driven to say something with the aim to disempower someone else's creative efforts, I kind of think that means you're miserable. Especially when those people's creative efforts are to grow food and are only a bother to you for superficial reasons that need not have any bearing on your life. Sad!
Anyway, I'm sad that there is so much time wasted these days on stuff like this. I would not be surprised if a person like that would call the city to complain. If that were to happen Jeff and I have already resolved to fight the issue, because the straw bales are not permanent or endangering anyone. So, if the city were to give us trouble I would think they would have to actually write in "No straw bale gardening on the parkways". Which would be such a waste of time. And kind of funny.
But what was really great? This exact same scenario a mere one year ago would have left me feeling insecure and upset. Now? I really wasn't thrilled to be seen as such a bother, but I really understood that it was just simply not my problem. And for me, that's a big deal. I'm a person who has notoriously taken on other people's problems and cared far too much about being liked. So this is some serious progress. Then just this evening I heard through the grapevine that someone else had been talking badly about us and made assumptions about our finances and motives… and it was the same kind of revelation. This person had made inaccurate assumptions about things that don't even affect them- essentially just trash talking. While I don't particularly like being talked about… again, not my problem. And I really feel that this time, I'm not just telling myself to believe it. Oh my, so liberating!
So I'm growing, and I just saw how much I really like my life and my family. We're doing our best to be honest good people, doing what we believe in, and that's all we can do. I feel really solid in what we're doing and what our motives are. It feels good. How funny that a disparaging comment or two could leave me feeling more secure than before! Anyway. I'm glad to know that my life and work is so much more valuable than a nice lawn. I hope you all know that about yourselves too. 🙂
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I love this.
And let me just tell you that your name? It suits you so beautifully. You are truly full of grace.
We recently had a tree trimmed. It’s a HUGE oak tree that had tons of dead branches on it, some of which were dangling precariously over power lines, our house, our fence, our neighbor’s house, etc.
We considered taking the whole thing down, but we like the tree, and were assured that it’s a healthy tree, it’s just been neglected and was in desperate need of some maintenance.
So while the trimmers were here, this man, who I don’t recognize as living on my block, was walking his dog down the alley. He stopped and watched the trimmers, and then told them they should just chop the whole tree down. They just sort of laughed him off and said it was actually a great tree, just needed some work.
I was seriously annoyed, because it was none of his business, the tree impacts him in NO WAY WHATSOEVER, just keep moving, mister.
The next day, he walked his dog down the alley again, and I saw him stop and just stare at the tree and my yard for a few minutes, shaking his head in disapproval. It took everything in me not to go out there and tell him he was making me uncomfortable with his interest in my property and asking him what his problem was.
You’re so right though. Whatever it is, it’s HIS problem, and really has nothing to do with me, after all.
You are so sweet! What a nice thing to say.
I swear, these people are everywhere! So strange that a perfectly healthy tree would bother someone. I have really felt a wave of compassion for those people… and also just gratitude. I’m SO GRATEFUL that I am not consumed with those kinds of thoughts and what I imagine must be incessant bouts of judgment and irritation for them. I just want to remember when I see a person like that I can turn whatever energy they inspired in me to be about love and compassion rather than what ultimately boils down to my own insecurity. Anyway. Kind of fun that we’re dealing with the same thing right now. Yay for rising above the awful judgment of superficial neighbors!
Would that neighbor have had as much of a problem if you were growing rosebushes or other flowers on the strip between the sidewalk and road? The assumption that the fronts of our homes have to be ‘aesthetically pleasing’ to look at to all people and essentially non-functional is kind of off-putting. I’m sure that you’re reaching more people than you know with your new ideas. How many people have driven by/heard about your straw bale gardening and thought “I should try that!” and might do so next year? You’re probably an inspiration to more people than you realize ( you are to me, anyway)!
You know, I love that you wrote this. This morning another neighbor stopped to ask Jeff the same questions, and the response was completely opposite. The man gushed about how excited he was with what we’re doing. Jeff heaved a sigh of relief and we get a little boost in moral. We also read these comments together and it was another little boost. So thanks. 🙂
hi! i didn’t bother to fight. i just moved out. i now live way out in the boonies where people want to be left alone to live on their land, not interfere with what other people are doing. the feeling of community is awesome because people care about people, not about pathetic things like lawns or straw bales out of place. in the city (well, suburbs) i got fined by the county for my lawn being too long. my lawn, that was gorgeous and green and lush and full of beautiful wild flowers, had to be cut down to a brown, burned out mess, just like everyone else’s on the street. it didn’t make sense! all my neighbours had to use prescious water and their lawns were still brown and dried up. mine was gorgous! but no, “they” won, and i mowed. now i don’t have to worry about shit like that.
fight the good fight! food trumps people’s stupid ideas of aesthetics. after all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and i love straw bale gardens!
Nice to meet you! I’m excited to learn more about you. 🙂
I agree, this is a good fight, and food is way more important. We joke about how those snickering neighbors will all want us when the zombie apocalypse hits…
I saw the picture before I read the post and my first thought was that they look awesome… the way the bales line up and add depth to the space instead of a plain, sad strip of grass.
It’s nice to hear about the progress that you’re making when it comes to dealing with negative people. 🙂 Very inspiring!
I’m so excited to see you in a couple of days! Yeah, people’s taste really is different. I’m like you these days, “sad strip of grass” indeed. Regardless, taste is one thing, but scowling and whining is another. 🙂
Yay you!
I think it’s like telling a pregnant woman she’s ugly–it just reveals that the speaker has NO IDEA what true beauty is (growth and life and WONDER).
I can’t wait to see all your garden shenanigans when I visit!
Just a few more days!!!
i don’t think you’re jumping to conclusions in assuming that she is an unhappy person. it takes a lot of unhappiness to be that bothered by something that does not affect your life in any way. there’s no purpose in those words except spreading hate and that’s remarkably uncool.
it’s fantastic that you didn’t let her BS get to you.
True! Your point just further reinforces my desire to build compassion for her. Thanks. 🙂
Aesthetic matters will generate opinions of all kinds, but at the end of the day their moral significance (if they have any) will pale beside how we treated one another. Good for Jeff, not returning rudeness for rudeness! Soon, your giveaway basket will be making love offerings to all passersby again. I’m proud of you! Mom.
I love you Mom! <3 I do have to remember to fill that basket soon...
Sounds like a snobby type with a “homeowner’s association” mentality who wants every house in the neighborhood to look exactly the same. I, personally, would much rather see the hay bales and garden than a weed-overgrown yard full of broken beer bottles and rusted auto parts, and ultimately what someone chooses to do with their yard is not anyone else’s business. Glad that you and Jeff were able to not let the rude comments get to you!
You know, it reminds me of this principle I learned in a permaculture study group that talked about how the areas with the most diversity (ecologically speaking) were the healthiest. I like to think this is true in terms of other things as well. Glad to be amongst the weirdos… may we all enjoy health and happiness. 🙂
Theres nowt as funny as folk.
Some people have so much nagativity and pessimism inside them that they have no choice but to spread it around and ease some of their burden.
Imagine having to walk in her shoes, with that mindset and random anger, for only a day.
How heavy her life must feel. Poor woman.
Totally true! She’s probably struggling and just trying to give her problems away. I don’t need to have said anything bad to her, her life is likely heavy enough, like you say. 🙂
I know this is a serious post, but I have to say, I was cracking up at the thought of this angry lady dishing out some insult to Jeff, all determined to tear him down, and Jeff mistaking it for a compliment and happily thanking her. In fact, this post popped into my head in the shower, and I literally laughed out loud imagining it.
I’m also amused by the thought of a new law on the books in your town: no bales of hay in front yard. Punishable by death…
In all seriousness, though, that lady is beyond unhappy. She seems a little crazy to me! It’s be one thing if she came up to Jeff and announced that they were ugly, and then he explained their purpose. Then she’d be rude but i’d at least kind of get it… But for him to go through that whole explanation of what purpose they served, and what you guys were trying to do, and THEN for her to say they were ugly? At that point, how can she not realize that their aesthetic value is irrelevant?? That’d be like if somebody didn’t like the fact that there were windows in the front part of your house, and asked you to replace them all with one solid wall! Whether or not it’s visually displeasing to her, it’s your property, it’s not harming her, it’s not breaking any laws, and it’s clearly serving a purpose for you! What a nutcase…
Anyway, good for you for not letting her get to you!
Oh my, I’m totally laughing about that now. Jeff is such a sweet enthusiastic guy, too, it really is perfect. I almost wish he had just continued to thank her and make her uncomfortable… 🙂
Oh for the love of everything holy!
I may be quoting it wrong, but “people fear in what they don’t understand.” And how do we handle fear in our society? With ridicule. If things are ridiculed and dumbed down to a point, a person may feel superior over the entire thing… and in the end no longer fear it.
Not to mention.. Straw Bales are NOTHING.. NOTHING compared to the knick knack hell people turn their lawns into. At least your straw bales serve a purpose.
Whomever is talking trash about you and your family, and your (truly) inspiring way of life, than it is their loss. They are the ones that are non-creative, non-dreamers, non-innovators and are lost in a world of black and grey. A world in which you are striving to add color too.
For a long time I didn’t know you or your family. And I will be the first admit that I was puzzled, and I may have even criticized. I know now that if I did criticize.. it was out of ignorance. (Not saying that I did criticize, but I am human and am guilty of creating errors.. you know what I mean.)
And I found your journal. And it is incredibly inspirational. I found that you are living many things that I WANT in life. (IE Stay at home mommy.. gardening.. canning.. self sufficient.. and now embarking on an adventure of business.) And the way you life your life, is how you are making your dreams happen. I can do nothing but admire that about you and your family.
And than I had the pleasure of meeting you, and am honored to call you a good friend. We haven’t been able to hand out and share our families as much as I would have liked as of yet. But life tends to get in the way of having fun, but alas we are going nowhere and I know our friendships will grow close over time.
Don’t let people get you down. They’re just jealous of your ambition, and if their not jealous they’re just plain ignorant. The smart people will ask questions, and will respect your way of living weather they agree with what you are doing or not. The others… simply don’t matter.
Long story short; you’re awesome.
Your family is a beautiful inspiring presence, in a place that is much welcomed.
With love,
Melissa.
PS: I know.. I need to update too. Ha-ha.
Re: Oh for the love of everything holy!
Right back at you! All of it! What a lovely read on this sunny morning. You are so kind and thoughtful, and I am glad to call you a friend. I’m looking forward to tonight!!
yeah, we’ve had to remove things (not like, garbage or anything, but garden stuff/certain plants) from our front yard because our neighbors complained to the city. it really sucks. i’ve taken to gauging what things i think will be “acceptable” to folks like that and putting those things in the front yard and then the things that they would find “unacceptable” get saved for the backyard (which has a tall wooden fence). its especially bizarre because we live in kind of a poor-ish neighborhood so i feel like people wouldn’t be so picky but we have a few households that think it is their job to boss everyone around.