Polliwog Farm

That’s all right…

I recently read this and it inspired me. I’ve been really trying to embrace my life and my humanity, learning to separate what is worthy of change and what is not. The more I learn about what matters to me, the more confused I am sometimes about what we (as humans) spend our time worrying about. The backwards questions we ask ourselves… "Am I attractive enough?" not "Am I healthy enough?" or "Does my house look good enough?" not "Am I living a life that reflects my beliefs and my morals?" I don’t know, these are bad examples. But truly, I have my fair share of superficial and unrealistic standards for myself. Oddly enough, those standards generally don’t extend to other people. I love it when I enter a house that is slightly messy and lived in. It validates me and makes me feel at home. I might admire someone with a spotless house, but it’s not necessarily going to put me at ease, and so it begs the question- what are we doing this for? Now, I love to make my space feel nice- and being clean and making things colorful and pretty are a part of that for me, but I often feel like I can’t live up to the standards I’ve set for myself- especially the ones that have to do with image. Anyway, I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know which standards are unreasonable or which are purposeful. I do know that I like to see the imperfections. They aren’t imperfections at all to me- just proof that we are evolving and changing beings, and so similar, all working for good and growth and… I just like it.

Anyway, here’s a look into my unruly and beautiful life, behind the scenes.

This plant is barely surviving, and I keep trying to remember to water it but forget for weeks at a time. It looks dead, but it’s not. It is just slowly dying. It’s tucked away in a corner of the house and I forget to go there when I’m watering the other plants. It’s just pure lame on my part. Poor thing.

Sometimes I pretend that things are clean enough by putting them all in separate and relatively sorted bins rather than actually organizing them or putting them away.

I put on this one cartoon for Vera when I really want to get stuff done. I told myself I wouldn’t ever do this, but I do it all the time. Thankfully she watches about 3 minutes before she’s on to the next thing.

Maya sheds a lot, and I don’t vacuum nearly enough. I just crouch down on the floor and take pictures of the hair and then post them on the internet for everyone to see. Hmm…

The other day we were going to give Vera a little naked-in-the-yard-water time, but when I took off her diaper there was a poo-splosion (I didn’t even smell it!). We were caught outside without a wipe or anything and so Jeff swung her around by the arms and ran around the yard while I hurried inside for a wipe. It was just one of those "Oh shit!" moments that happen so often around here.

Quote of the day:

"I’m okay
If you get me at a good angle
And you’re okay
In right the sort of light
We don’t look
Like pages from a magazine
But that’s all right
Oh baby, that’s all right
Oh baby that’s all right"

-Ani Difranco


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18 thoughts on “That’s all right…

  1. I totally understand her not being interested in Caillou. He sucks. *g*

    And the stuffing-things-into-bins-instead-of-tidying-up-thing? Usual thing here. Just not nearly as neat.

    1. I totally put stuff in piles and bins and tell myself everything is now clean. πŸ˜€

      I also love that Ani song, a lot a lot. I love that whole album, i listened to it a lot when i first moved to california, and i’ve recently been listening to it again, it’s nice to alter some of the memories attached to those songs.

      1. I know, Ani never gets old for me. She’s amazing in that way. I have to check out her new album- lots of good new-mama energy I’m sure.

        Oh, and I often reply to other people’s comments rather than the OP. Weird how that happens. πŸ™‚

    2. Yeah, it’s funny because she asks for him all the time, but when I actually let her watch it, she’s not interested really. Whatever!

      Seems like I’m not alone in the bin stuffing thing. Hooray!

  2. I sometimes resort to Cebeebies on tv for Zakary (it’s the bbc preschool channel here in UK). Like you I swore I’d never do that but sometimes it’s a necessity and like Vera he engages with it for about 3 minutes then he’s off doing stuff again. It’s called real parenting I think πŸ™‚

  3. Hehehe: an ‘oh shit! moment’ That sounds classic.

    Also, my mother has that black and white checked Mother Goose book from when I was a baby. We used it for one of the games at my baby shower.

  4. Your baby is so cute!! I used to let jorri play in water outside nakie too LOL

    I think its funny that you sort things into bins…I sort of do this with laundry and leave it sit…its neat enough right? LOL

    I am going to read the link you posted now πŸ™‚

    1. Oh, he does this every summmer- he shaves it off in stages. He’s finally completely shaved with prickly stubble. Now he’ll grow it back. But man, sometimes he’ll stick with a stage for a few days and they can be HORRIBLE. He thinks it’s hilarious and I think partially does it to freak me out… Lovely man, really.

  5. that link is a refreshing blog…
    and boy, your carpet looks just like my carpet! when i first got the cats, it drove me crazy, and i tried so hard to keep up with it… but the thing is, they never stop shedding, so what’s the point? the second i clean it, it will get dirty again… so now i only vacuum when it starts getting thick enough that the carpet starts looking like a whole new color. πŸ™‚

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