Polliwog Farm

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hmmm… time taken to process

I suppose I’ve been fortunate in the sense that I do not make enemies. Ever really. And anyone who has been my friend in the past is still my friend, even if we are on separate paths and we don’t see each other much. Except lately, I’ve actually lost some people. I guess it’s just been sort of a shocker. I think there is an “after shock” too. I’ve been unsure of my other friends too. I think that it will be a valuable thing to learn- that my life needs to be filled with people who support and love me and not with people who are abusive and require so much of my energy that I don’t have enough for myself. And it’s ok for me to reinvent my life if I need to.… Continue Reading...

I am about to go…

And drink a lovely caffienated, dark, warm beverage with a lovely girl who is going to help me understand the things I can’t on my own.



Use this gift when you feel resistant to doing what you know is in your best interest. The desire to sabotage our efforts to improve ourselves comes from our resistance to change. With self-improvement comes new activities, friends, and other manifestations of change we so often resist because we fear the unknown.

Have a good evening y’all!… Continue Reading...


Goddess of the New


Use this gift when you are worried or anxious. These feelings are usually caused by out attachment to either a particular outcome or to wanting to know exactly how things are going to turn out. Though oracles can predict events with enough clarity to be helpful, we have the power to change our future. How many of your past worries never came to pass?

-g… Continue Reading...

All is well so far…

So last night was like the 6th night away from Jeff ever. A little hard to get to sleep, but I slept. I am officially living back at the rent’s now. It’s really nice so far. I decorated my room(totally necessary if I am to retain mental health) with all my fun apt. stuff that I would miss. It’s gonna be great.
I am sure that there will be issues, but overall I ain’t worried. That’s a great feeling considering that I have always had reason to worry. At least in my teen years. It’s a common theme. You don’t get along with your folks until your 20s and sometimes later, but then you’re surprisingly like them. You at least appreciate their contribution to who YOU are.… Continue Reading...

i took a personality test…

Cattel 16 Factor Test Results

Warmth ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Intellect |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Emotional Stability ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Aggressiveness |||||||||||| 38%
Liveliness ||||||||||||||| 42%
Dutifulness |||||||||||| 38%
Social Assertiveness |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Sensitivity |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Paranoia |||||||||||| 34%
Abstractness ||||||||||||||| 50%
Introversion ||||||||||||||| 42%
Anxiety |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Openmindedness |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Independence ||||||||| 30%
Perfectionism ||||||||||||||| 46%
Tension ||||||||||||||| 50%

Here’s what you judge it by:
Cattell’s 16 Factor Key
Factor low score high score
Warmth cold, selfish supportive, comforting
Intellect instinctive, unstable cerebral, analytical
Emotional Stability irritable, moody level headed, calm
Aggressiveness modest, docile controlling, tough
Liveliness somber, restrained wild, fun loving
Dutifulness untraditional, rebellious conforming, traditional
Social Assertiveness shy, withdrawn uninhibited, bold
Sensitivity coarse, tough touchy, soft
Paranoia trusting, easy going wary, suspicious
Abstractness practical, regular strange, imaginative
Introversion open, friendly private, quiet
Anxiety confident, self assured fearful, self-doubting
Openmindedness closeminded, set-in-ways curious, exploratory
Independence outgoing, social loner, craves solitude
Perfectionism disorganized, messy orderly, thorough
Tension relaxed, cool stressed, unsatisfied

So whatever really.… Continue Reading...

overwhelming blessings…

I have been feeling nervous about all the upcoming changes in my life. I’m gonna be moving back home with my folks until Jeff and I get married. It’s only 9 months, but if you are updated on the past with that then ya understand. I have confidence that it will be great, I’ve grown up some, and I think(as disrespectful as it may sound)so have they. The stuff that used to be problematic doesn’t really exist anymore. I guess I just don’t see it as home anymore. It’s actually like this place that’s familiar, but I’ve worked to reinvent my idea of home. I’m also just exhausted of moving. I’ve moved a whopping 12 times since winter 3 years ago, not including this move. I cry every time I move now.… Continue Reading...

Death and other aspects of life…

My great aunt Clara Bell died on Christmas Eve this year. She was 90. She passed away in her sleep. I am going to her funeral on Thursday, and as bad as it may sound- I am mourning the 44,000 that died in Asia more than I am mourning her. I guess with her it’s like, of course, sooner or later… But with this tragedy? I didn’t know anyone, but it’s almost as if I can feel the sadness and grief continents away.
I guess that there is not much of a difference in her passing than there is with anyone elses. But I can’t seem to shake the sadness from all of these people. I can’t imagine how it is there right now. ouch.
Well, I think I understand my own fears about death.… Continue Reading...

After X-mas….

Well, I have survived the first of many shared Christmases with Jeff. Not that I was all that worried about it. It’s just that everyone on his side wants to meet me, and everyone on my side wants to meet him. There was no getting around it this year. That is why we are about to embark on our 6th, yes count them, 6th Christmas. Tired of Christmas? Just wait until you inherit an entire new family. Then we can talk.
Anyhow, it’s been nice. It always passes so quickly. I remember looking forward to everything and now here I am. I’ve met new cousins, new aunts and uncles, even a new grandma. She’s great too. Jeff met the more “intimidating” side of my family last night.… Continue Reading...