Uncategorized

Sad.

All I know is that I feel like this is a stupid game. I feel like I’m chasing after this friend all the FUCKING time. I’m tired, and I have no energy to chase anymore. Maybe we are just not good friends. We love each other, but we are not good? It happens all the time in romantic relationships, so why not this one? I guess that the break up is not as easy to see.
Well, that makes me feel sad. I don’t know what will happen, but the ball is in her court and I can’t do much else other than wait and hope that something changes between us. I don’t even understand what happened the other day at all, to me it was just a display of a dysfunctional relationship.… Continue Reading...

Crunch time for… EVERYTHING!

Sometimes I just feel like there’s a million and a half things to do before things are okay. Like I’ve unintentionally gone and found myself on a tightrope and the only thing I can think about is getting to safety. I don’t know. Sometimes this feeling can be thrilling, I can feel efficient and alert, but other times I just feel like I should just fall. Today is a good one of those days… Thankfully.
Final tonight, wish me luck!
Other than that, I will leave you all with a daily affirmation from the “Gifts of the Goddess”:
[spirit]
I CONTROL MY LIFE WITH THE DECISIONS THAT I MAKE.
Use this gift when you believe you life has spun out of your control. The root of most problems is poor decision making.… Continue Reading...

A new weakness…

I just discovered something! I just caught myself resenting someone for something they didn’t do. I told this person something very personal a few days ago, and since then I have looked at them like a stranger. How weird!?! Anyways, I think that it’s because I haven’t totally coped with the issue that I shared. I think I might feel a little embarrassed. I dunno. It’s not fair of me to resent this person for my shit.
Other than that, my aunt has a tumor the size of a lemon in her abdomen. I don’t really know how I feel about that. I love her. That’s all I can do. And pray.
Work is good. But slow today. I’m having trouble focusing on anything because I’ve been working in Excel all friggin day!… Continue Reading...

Sometimes, there are people in the world that have a hard time being able to function with others. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it usually takes an understanding and patient person to “get them”. I think that’s what I was trying to do. I thought that it would be nice to spend some time with the guy. Get to know him on a more personal level. But before I knew it, it was the most uncomfortable experience and no one was there to rescue me. Now I’m faced with some choices. I can either pretend that I wasn’t uncomfortable at all and hope that all blows over, or I can delve into it like an invested new daughter should.
I don’t know how to be someone else’s daughter!… Continue Reading...

My head, oy vey!

Ahhh! Sometimes I feel like I have to puke. It’s just because my head can’t deal with the stress all on its own so it enlists the help of my stomach.
I’m not sure if one of my best friends is even my friend at all! It recently came to my attention that I can’t remember when I wasn’t totally worried about whether or not she was happy, or upset, or if I wasn’t standing up for myself enough, or if I’m being a good enough friend, etc. The list goes on and on. It’s like I’ve been on a perma-guilt trip. Every complaint that I have can be turned into my fault.
I know that this is not just her doing. I’ve let it happen and therefore I hold the responsibility as much as she does.… Continue Reading...

My life changes like michigan weather…

Hmmmm, where to start? I suppose I should announce my engagement to my best friend! He is literally the light of my life. I am so happy. Details to follow on that one.
It’s funny that this weekend was one of the more stressful weekends in recent memory, however I was not panicked or scared. I was calm. I feel like now that I know I am safe and loved, not much could truly weather me. Situations may become taxing, but overall, since I have a faith in people and in love, I have nothing to fear and everything to look forward to.
I’ve been reviewing my past quite a bit as well. It’s strange to find resolution in everything I’ve done. I realize now in a new way that every step I took led me exactly to the place I am now.… Continue Reading...

Usless?

Well, I suppose I’ve always believed that what is supposed to happen will. It’s hard to see that in all areas of my life when I’m in the midst of the problem. I guess now, with enough experience with this kind of thing I can always give myself one piece of advice: Step away from the wreckage. I think that we have the privelage of being in a generation that has the ability to obtain massive amounts of information and use it to our benefit. However we don’t. We are a generation similar to that of the Vietnam. We have a reason to get up off our asses. We have the ability. But we don’t. At best we’re damn good talkers. I am troubled by the fact that today I take responsibility for where my country is.… Continue Reading...

I JUST VOTED!

It’s nice to live in a liberal town. Everyone at the polls seemed really excited that the “young people” were getting out there and voting. I got a bunch of support. Especially this election, people were standing outside the polls with lists of voters so that when you came out they would check you off of it. If you didn’t come they would go to your house. I thought it was hilarious. And good. That’s all for now.… Continue Reading...

There is so much to lose…

Tomorrow is the day to vote. AHHHHHH!!!! I’m sort of at an emotional and mental standstill about the whole thing. I don’t know that there is much else I can process.
At least I know my decision. As if I really had a choice. What a dissapointing position to be in for my 1st presidential vote. To vote for a candidate based on my fear of another getting elected?
Sucks.
Even on the conservative side. some feel like they don’t have a choice either because of the abortion issue(which I feel is some horseshit, but to each his/her own). It’s just a damn shame that it has come to a point where we feel like we can only choose one thing because if we don’t then we will lose something that is important to us.… Continue Reading...